Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML
Today, while in bed, my fiancé rolled over in the dark and complimented me on my nice buttocks. He had actually grabbed a roll of back fat. FML
Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me, "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML
Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend I love her for the first time. She said, "Thanks." FML
Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML
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Top comments
sugarshane007 20
Wow!! Sleep on your back buddy!
Mordakai420 6
Run bro, run! The strap-ons! The horror!
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Comments (90)
sugarshane007 20
Wow!! Sleep on your back buddy!
Aloyese 11
No kidding.. Lol
NickaPLZ 26
Couldn't have said it better...
c00lsk8erboi 7
she must be into some kinky shit lmao
7yzz 18
Ahh come on OP you scaredy cat, it wont make you ****. just dont tell anyone...... ANYBODY. lol
barleyguy 17
Dear god I fear for him
kansah 25
what a lovely thing to say
Mordakai420 6
Run bro, run! The strap-ons! The horror!
PinkKawaiiChic 10
Or she's packing... Lol
LarryLaDouche 13
WOO WOO! All aboard the Midnight Meat Train! Next stop, OP's anus!
sens3sfailing 24
I don't g*t why people c**sor **** on fuckmylife.com
naetaru 4
M* Nei**er
gc327072 30
At least she didn't surprise you, eh? Butt let her know if you're not into that.
LeFrogDog 27
surprise butt sex...
Hawaii84 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Is it just me or is that really hot! Watch your back lol
X_Codes 11
Hopefully it's just the lady expressing her sex drive, and not a surprise OP doesn't know about...
blackman100 20
Nope, it's not just you. That shit is hot.
darkwolf666 3
Good girl
supimnyancat 9
Having your prostate played with can be actually very pleasurable, especially if you hit the G-spot. You don't have to be gay to enjoy it, so keep an open mind.
hellaflushfa5 6
I don't care what anybody thinks or says, an anus is meant for one purpose...moving shit out not "things" in. But I guess to each their own.
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
17 you're missing out on a lot of fun with that mindset.
S182 15
Hella - I would find it hard to believe that you apply this same logic to hands or mouths...
perdix 29
#7, it's not your mind you need to keep open ;)
AbstraktThoughts 13
33: I mean...you put things into your mouth, don't you? ;)
squideth 18
There's nothing wrong with liking or not liking ass-play as a personal preference. Don't act all superior because you do or do not enjoy it.
LarryLaDouche 13
Nothing like getting your back door smashed in like a SWAT team drug bust.
XxDevilxXGt 26
What do you do with the fecal matter situation? Unless you clean your insides somehow, it's disgusting. But I really don't know anything about it.
LarryLaDouche 13
The more feces the better! Lather that crap on like baby lotion!
RedPillSucks 31
Time to get your shit pushed in.
Satoaoi 13
I thought the g spot was a myth
Shenannigoats 16
You must be fun at parties.
Glidefedt 6
As a straight guy, I can say that this is true.
madgrinchhatter 12
In reply to #17 Well yeah and a mouth is only "meant" for eating, talking, and breathing but I don't see too many guys who hate ********.
Epikouros 31
In reply to #56: the best way to clean it is with a vaginal douche, no kidding. Luckily, most people aren't full of shit all day. Speaking of which, people who claim that the anus is for pooping only make me wonder where they got their user manual. It's not like you're voiding the warranty by screwing open the backside.
LeafsGuy92 10
54 - first FML comment to actually make me LOL. Congrats (:
kenyrabit 25
Hooray #98!
superrocket19 17
That's pretty romantic
kimee21_fml 15
Tattoo 'exit only' on your ass ;)
thandidavis 17
One Way Street!
muzy 23
Or perhaps 'No entry' !
WearingHats 14
Mudslide warning.
spikekutter 9
i think that guys should know how it feels too
cgchamp89 7
Pretty sure having something shoved up their ass is a choice women make (sometimes)
imepelepticsir 5
I enjoy the feeling myself.
Manchee 3
Guys should only expireance it if he wants to do it to her.