Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, I share a room with a person who masturbates noisily every morning at 5 a.m. like clockwork. Only I can't really say anything, because she's literally deaf. I wish she could hear herself. FML
Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML
Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
Today, as usual, my flatmate is so loud when talking face to face that my ears and head rattle. I can't say anything because how dare I suggest there's anything wrong with my roommate's hearing. Yet nobody else talks this loud. FML
Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ollie179 21
Well at least he's not saying, "You like that? HUH? DO YA?" "NO! Please stop! AAAAHHHH!" That would be awkward.
heythere131630 9
You live with Golem???
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (137)
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Walk in and say "you may like it but I do not"
wlddog 14
Perhaps moaning in your own room is a little much. Or some other way to compete with him is in order. If those don't shut him up, buy a stereo and blast his out.
samasara 20
or just leave for a while instead of sitting there and listening to it.
ZombieSnoopy 9
that or the next time he asks if he likes it just scream "no"
yoyoforpeace 14
Well does he like it or not?
yoyoforpeace 14
There was a lady who used to get off in the library bathroom...you could hear her say "who's a dirty little *****? You like that?"
DrShrug 3
Yeah, I wouldn't walk in there to say shit.
heythere131630 9
You live with Golem???
igive 29
"does we likes it?"
zombieslayer83 19
LOL! #19
bwzwally8 15
My precious
lilhellian 26
22 If you like his comment then thumb it..
ICastillo 24
Whoa...lilhellian who are you telling him to give a thumbing?
lilhellian 26
Sorry, I don't even know why I posted that one. Just have'nt been myself lately. Sorry all. Sorry 22.
Pleonasm 35
I'm sorry, I just can't help it. It's gollum, not golem. I only correct it because if I read your post as is, all I can think of are giant stone creatures, or the pokemon
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Living with Golem (pokemon) would be awesome! Free bodyguard.... but masses of broken furniture too I suppose.
poccocurantes 7
I was wondering how Judaism fit into the post.
TheNewGuy03 28
Well, if you're living with Golem, at least you'll know that it's time to ... Rollout.
MorganBrown 8
This made me laugh uncontrollably lol
sens3sfailing 24
Anybody wana trade for my graveler then trade the golem back to me? I hate this stupid trade evolution!
Baybiiie 11
Epic!!!
wuffman 10
Dafuq?
GothickNihilist 15
I wish people would stop using that phrase. It is completely moronic and overused.
cgchamp89 7
No kidding... dafuq
xDropsOfJupiterx 8
You set yourself up to be thumbed down.
that1guyyy 12
Well did he like it?
nycwrestler 17
I would hope so
OhzTP 7
Otherwise things could get a little strange... Guy 1: "Do you like that"? Guy 1: "No! Rape! Get our hand off our dick!
RavenLovesViolin 7
my precious.....
howdeedoo 22
Wait, that's not normal?
U_GotitDude 18
I also do that...
JoeRogansBEARD 15
102 do you lick your fingers afterwards aswell? (Referring to his profile pic)
aileen15 15
time to get a new roommate ASAP!
zombieslayer83 19
who's that clapping?
poccocurantes 7
The sound of one hand.
zombieslayer83 19
fap fap fap
diceplaya 12
Oh cum on! What a jerk.. He didnt ask you if you liked it? How inconsiderate
Wishez 12
That was actually one of the worst puns I have ever heard
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
That was a pun?
theslimshadylp 6
Is he calling himself a dirty *****?
challan 19
I believe he's asking, who's your Daddy.
challan 19
I'm kind of wondering if he'll ask himself for the money shot.
dcats 13
Challan, you seem fluent in bedroom language. *_^
theslimshadylp 6
I'm your daddy.
kaoszombie 6
"You like that, don't you, bitch?"
ICastillo 24
Damn if you can hear him literally masturbating, that guy goes freaking hard. The scary thing is he answers himself. I would recommend locking your doors at night
aileen15 15
agreed ^
BlowinChronic 18
^ there is a button for that.
SailorSTFU 15
Not to sure that locking the door is enough. That's kind of freaky.
aileen15 15
well I don't wanna use the button thanks for informing me about it :)