Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML
Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML
Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML
Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML
Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML
Today, while at the hospital recovering from surgery, I overheard my doctor tell one of the nurses I'm so fat I could start a grease fire if left near an open flame. They thought I was still unconscious. I wasn't. FML
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth worked on. I got tongue-tied and instead of asking if they could anesthetize me, I accidentally asked if they could euthanize me. FML
Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML
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Top comments
Everyday_Galaxy 14
In medical school he worried about passing as a surgeon, but he made the cut. That was bad.
DocBastard 38
To answer your question: NO. IT WASN'T ME. (but I've totally said almost this exact thing)
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Comments (119)
Tthug 34
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Might I suggest 1) suing and 2) getting a new doctor.
UberNova 18
Get a new doctor idea, maybe. Sue? Look at the country, its the UK, we don't sue people left right and centre here for pathetic reasons, such as this.
greeneyebeauty9 28
you can't exactly sue because 1) there's no evidence 2) the surgeon could have been joking. just in case, i'd tell someone and if something goes wrong.. they'd know why..
Dashelle 25
You can't sue. I mean...was the surgeon wrong? It *would* be easy.
Tthug 34
Didn't see it was in UK. And it was somewhat sarcastic. But yeah. Wouldn't win. Doesn't mean you can't sue.
TourettesGuyFTW 25
As ubernova says, here in the UK we don't sue..we just moan, complain, and when really irate...we write a strongly worded letter of complaint. Bloody f*ck sh!t pi$$ ! ! !
dingleberrysteve 6
even in amerixa it would not matter, this would be a grievance at best
KawaiiCupcake 14
I'm guessing that OP needs evidence first... I suggest don't do it and really find a new doctor because you don't wanna die...
Palirose 22
#31.... if you obviously know they won't win...why suggest to OP to waste their time and money on lawyers and court sessions? You can't sue someone for joking and I highly doubt any doctor wants their license revoked for malpractice. Which mind you it takes years to achieve that medical standard. They aren't going to try and blow off their careers for stupidity. (At least I would hope that most wouldn't want to). So just for future reference suing isn't always the answer.
AholeCop 11
I'm guessing the T in Tthug stands for tort.
michaelaranda 28
ops clearly fine. this isn't even a real fml.
littlem91 29
Saying things like this as your patient was going under anaesthesia seems like it'd be the best part of being a surgeon.
Curlytwirly22 17
#1 is right I mean better safe than sorry right OP
Everyday_Galaxy 14
In medical school he worried about passing as a surgeon, but he made the cut. That was bad.
PenguinBitch 43
*Starts to clap but realized no one else clapping so walks out due to extreme embarrassment of said clap*
science-teacher 15
You'd better cut and run
MikaykayUnicorn 36
#15 it's 52 who should be walking out embarrassed.
science-teacher 15
Ha
TheDoctor10 28
I think recognizing that it was bad saved you from a thumbs-down
jbuckets_404 38
Whaddya call the medical student who graduates at the bottom of his class? "Dr." :-(
flashback.miss 28
(was his name Doc Bastard? XD) but seriously, (hopefully) he was messing with you...
ipwnallmen 10
No.
Freethaawave 19
Isn't this the internet? Who says that person is a real doctor? We all have access to google.
DocBastard 38
Does "that person" refer to me? Are you actually implying that I just use google to trick everyone into thinking I'm a doctor? That's one of the most offensive thing I've seen in a long time. You disgust me.
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Now now everyone....cumbaya....altogether now....CUMBAYAAA..
allie2590 31
Doc, she's probably new here. When I was new I didn't think you were really a doctor. Plus, although she was rude, I can see her point. I mean, no one's EVER lied on the internet before, right?
hippyhopgirl 9
I think she was just joking. Relax.
Freethaawave 19
92 - The fact that you're clearly on the internet all the time you could easily google anything health related. I hope no one actually takes medical advice from some dude on FML, though. That would be pretty sad.
41swags 9
Might want to get a new doctor
Ambient25 24
or have a witness around...
SmallyBigs 9
This has DocBastard written all over it.
AnOriginalName 19
No, I've a feeling Doc would just go ahead and do it, without mentioning anything to anyone. Wouldn't want any loose ends, now.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
if you can prove it,, sue him,, your life is no joking matter
miianah1 22
You're an idiot. Why would sue him simply for saying something? Just get a new doctor. Problem solved.
DocBastard 38
Exactly. Sue him for...wait, for what exactly? I should sue you for using an excessive number of commas. Why the **** not...it makes just as much sense.
Nyx_fml 23
I should sue you for not leaving proper spaces along with your ellipses. Oh, wait, are we not playing the "sue-happy" game? It seemed like fun.
DocBastard 38
Then I'll sue you for misspelling "ellipsis" (or using the plural form). :) Then I'll sue myself for not using the ellipsis correctly for my entire life. I just looked it up, and there are supposed to be spaces on either side of the ellipsis or between the dots. I just learned something!
Schizomaniac 24
Then I'll sew you because I don't know how to spell. Hahaha. :(
littlem91 29
Always a learning experience when you read the bastard's posts.
foomzy 13
Then I'll sue you for misspelling "sue"
Dodge4x4Ram 46
haha,,,, why so serious,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, love it,,,dance PUPPETS
CharlizeWasHere 2
You need a new doctor! ASAP!
zandalee 19
One who can actually knock you out properly before an operation. For the love of God, OP must have been terrified!
slooby_fml 25
At least you wouldn't feel everything like in the movie Awake
katiepda 11
awake was an awesome movie
gimmicksz 9
Um in that movie he definitely felt it...he juss couldnt say anything cuz his body was out...watch it again
slooby_fml 25
That's...exactly what I said...
olpally 32
That's just ******* scary! Yikes! Get a new doctor.
McFlapple 5
I hate to be "that guy", but lighten up. I'm sure he was just joking around to lighten up the mood in the area. Maybe the nurse was new, and he was trying to release some tension?
Zimmington 21
That's what I thought. He was just making an observation. it's like driving with people in the car and you think "I could us all if I wanted." but you don't act on it because It's just a thought.
DanielleinDC 33
It's still highly inappropriate and highly unprofessional. I wouldn't trust a doctor who made such a crack.
WellThatSucked89 13
I was thinking, maybe not within OPs knowledge, OP was being a bit of a heinous patient who frustrated the doctor?