Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML
Today, I ate two Fiber One bars for breakfast and now I can’t stop farting. FML
Today, I learned that the vomiting and uncontrollable flatulence I've been suffering from is normal with my new diet. FML
Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML
Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML
Today, I ate one Benefiber gummy and spent half the day and good chunk of the night in misery with an upset stomach, where it felt like a lump was in it, as well as aggressive and painful gas, and painful diarrhea. FML
Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML
Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, I thought I’d do something for my digestion and forego the after-lunch coffee, as it always makes me gassy. Well, without the coffee apparently all the gas just stayed inside. Whatever it did in there gave me a pretty awful stomach ache. FML
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Top comments
cliffibom 15
Did you spill your beans?
oj101 33
How on earth did such a food get approved by regulatory bodies?! And why would you consume these if you well knew what might happen?
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Comments (55)
oj101 33
How on earth did such a food get approved by regulatory bodies?! And why would you consume these if you well knew what might happen?
Ashamed_Sister 60
A side effects warning on food? I've never noticed anything like that.
perdix 29
#1, Bribery. Here, they go by the euphemism of "campaign contribution." If there's a dollar to be made by selling a product that makes people shit their pants, spending a penny to grease the right Congressman is just about the best investment there is.
middlecyclone 5
Sorbitol is an artificial sweetener and Iain almost all sugar free candies and most gum too. It is also a main ingredient in laxatives. Some people can handle it better than others. Others (like myself) can't handle it at all and one candy causes problems. Hence the "may cause" on the label.
DocBastard 38
Glucose is what everything you eat gets broken down to, and sucrose is regular table sugar. What you ate was probably maltitol or sorbitol, which are sweet sugar alcohols that have no caloric value. They can, however, cause the GI symptoms you and OP were unlucky enough to experience.
Pleonasm 35
Was going to say the same thing Doc. For once, I actually used organic chemistry in real life!
intelliDude 7
Adding on to Doc, you should also know that many sugar free products have some type of sugar alcohol in them because they taste terrible without the added sweet taste.
akiahara 14
Diet soda does not give you the *****. Aspartame, sucralose, etc, are not sugar alcohols and do not have the same effect. I'm diabetic and would rather not take insulin for such things, so Splenda and diet soda, FTW. But those sugar free candies are nasty. Also, you have to eat several servings before it becomes a laxative. Sugar free, low fat, nonfat, whatever doesn't mean that you should hoover the whole bag.
Spottedfeather 7
You shouldn't drink diet anything. Diet sodas make you mean and nasty. I'm not making that up.
chosha_fml 26
If you just eat a few there's no problem. But eat too many...
cliffibom 15
Did you spill your beans?
courtney680 17
Anything that says it could be a laxative, you probably shouldn't eat..
TheOnlyX 11
I think it was more of a squirt than "spill."
joeymo304 9
Sounds like a tasty way to go
lu95 16
I feel like food shouldn't have side effect warnings. Throw that crap out.
OuchAndGoodfight 5
Every food item has implied side effects warnings... because they all consist of chemical compounds and side effects are still an item's effects. Strawberry - Cellulose, Glucose, Vitamin C... each compound affects individuals in different ways, idiosyncrasies. Implied warning: May kill you. May restore your energy via ETC..and the list goes on.
awkwardpenguin1 3
Ok but really food should be good enough not to have any warnings
photoquilty 6
Your FML may as well have read, "today I pooped my pants." Bwahahaha.
stevenJB 25
I'm sorry, but...but, that was kinda, a lot, sorta really bad. :/
Myo_fml 20
And so was your comment.
ry24 12
This may be one of the most non-entertaining things I've read all day. "You pooped your pants... Bahahahaha" no. Just shut up
perdix 29
It would be hard to market a product with a "may cause sharting" label on it. There was a fake fat that had "make cause oily anal leakage" on its label, and that's why you never hear of it anymore.
perdix 29
"may cause oily anal leakage" * Auto-correct! Damn you!
stevenJB 25
Whoa! Almost had the whole Internet n your ass there for a moment! o.o
perdix 29
#30, they would have gotten all oily ;)
RebornUnicorn 16
You might want to buy a different brand of jellybeans OP, whoever approved of actually selling those jellybeans must've been on crack
THuD29 4
Or just wanting to make money
PipingMouse 14
This is why you don't eat sugar-free jellybeans. They just aren't legit. Taste the rainbow, poop the rainbow. (yeah yeah skittles but still...)
narrowords 18
It seems obvious that sugar-free candy is indicative of a chemical shitstorm. Good news: the sharts will go away. Bad news: your IQ will stay relatively the same.
Shadow_Phantom 26
Hint: sugar-free isn't going to help if there's corn syrup in it. FYL but YDI for buying something labeled with an effect like that.
crammer1 6
There isn't any corn syrup in sugar-free jelly beans.
sab1 8
corn syrup is litterly liquid sugar...