Intimacy: Wankers of the world unite! - FML

Wankers of the world unite!

By ari - 19/03/2012 05:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out why teenage boys have "Keep out" and "Please knock" signs on their bedroom doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 847

You deserved it 53 293

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Same thing different taste

By none - 28/02/2012 18:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized you should always knock on your parents' door before entering. Even at 6:30 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 932

You deserved it 35 350

By fluke - 19/09/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a teenage boy from entering the woman's bathroom. When he argued with me I had him thrown out. Turns out, according to their parents and driver's license, it was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 824

You deserved it 45 963

By Devon - 03/09/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 063

You deserved it 5 040

Got money to throw around? Get into real estate

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I found out the sole reason my son insisted on buying the house he did is because he was told on the grapevine that one of his new neighbours is a hot 20-something who never closes her curtains to undress at night. I raised a perverted idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 282

By Anonymous - 02/11/2018 12:00

Today, I found out my son has been sneaking out of his room at night to see his girlfriend. He's a fully-grown 23-year-old man with a job and his own car. He doesn't need to sneak out. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 552

You deserved it 570

By Not Amish FFS - 17/05/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had a fight about his parents. We're both 23-year-old university students who aren't allowed in his bedroom unless the door is completely open. Nothing he says to his parents will change this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 719

You deserved it 709

Fair warning

By Alwayshappens2me - 17/07/2009 23:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, it doesn't mean your mom won't walk into your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 418

You deserved it 10 507

Get it on

By kmb04 - 02/08/2009 15:12 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after a great night of sexual ecstacy, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing there introduced herself. ''Hi, I'm your neighbor. My seven year-old son's bedroom is just next to yours and when you scream at night, he gets scared. Do you think you could keep it down?'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 372

You deserved it 34 294

By helloimkylieee - 25/01/2016 01:04 - United States - Tracy

Spicy

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 764

You deserved it 1 555

Time to get a lock

By Anonymous - 11/03/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I learned it's not safe to take a bath if my aunt is staying over, because apparently she was never taught the "Knock before you enter" rule if the bathroom door is closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 114

Next

Top comments

jmu2011 6

Monday 19 March 2012 12:05

*fap fap fap fap fap*

ghostlilac 25

Monday 19 March 2012 12:09

Did you not see the "hardcore ****" FML from earlier? :P

Comments

perdix 29

Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:41

You probably got an eyeful! Maybe even literally.

deadlyriot101 7

Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:06

You deserved this so freaking bad.

msanch_4 5

Tuesday 20 March 2012 1:47

Tell him to go to the restroom and do it there.

sarahhanlen 11

Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:16

Why? Did U need to borrow his lube?

Tsujionmai 1

Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:25

Next time knock you may own the house but if you see something you weren't supposed to see its your fault for not knocking in the first place.

tklone329 0

Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:30

The signs dont lie

sexxxyyyyyy 0

Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:32

Shouldn't they just wait until their family is home? They are just stupid and obsessed with their penises like get a life.

Hubol 11

Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:50

Yup. I'm gonna wait until my family is home to **********.

kjb1234 5

Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:33

Honestly you deserved it How would you feel if he came in on you You wouldnt like it correct So next time have some respect

onorexveritas 23

Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:40

my parents never knocked before coming in my room. my dad idk what his deal was, but my moms excuse was that she's seen me naked and that "I shouldn't have anything to hide". wtf.

Czech_Zidane 14

Tuesday 20 March 2012 15:40

You should say something like "show me your **** then, I saw them numerous times as a baby, so you have nothing to hide" and maybe your mom would understand :)

burnsie22 5

Tuesday 20 March 2012 2:51

WHY THE HELL WOULD Betray THE SIGNS

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Keywords

Public freakouts Education Parents Mother in law Love Argument AITA Miscellaneous Insects Fear Cats Skincare Health Jealousy Coworkers Work Gross Drugs Dogs Animals Fire Awkward Scams Transportation Cars Money Bikes Scary Neighbours Sex

The Top

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 396

You deserved it 362

Today, I was at the grocery store when I bumped into my ex. Trying to be polite, I asked how she was doing, only for her to reply, "Great, thanks! I'm actually getting married next month." Meanwhile, I was standing there in a Garfield t-shirt clutching a carton of Ben & Jerry's and a bottle of cheap wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 192

The Top

Today, my new iPhone was stolen from my school locker. After canceling my service, sobbing, having my mom yell at the secretary for their lack of security and finally agreeing to change to a private school, I found it in the corner of my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 052

You deserved it 81 271

Today, I requested a pay rise at work. They said they couldn't do it as they have to cut costs, so I resigned. They've now re-advertised my job for more money than I asked for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 654

You deserved it 3 126

Today, the favorite activity of the four kids I'm babysitting is running up to me when I least expect it and farting on me. I can't even sit down without them attacking me with their butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 911

You deserved it 1 203

Today, my dad yelled at me for using legal marijuana to help treat my potentially terminal cancer, which is kind of hypocritical for the man who spent significant portions of my childhood in jail for selling cocaine to rich high school kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 96

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 242

You deserved it 15 012

Today, I paid 60 dollars for my senior yearbook. They forgot to put me in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 605

You deserved it 1 123