Intimacy: Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn...

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 120

You deserved it 11 216

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 20:03 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 893

You deserved it 4 918

What the…

By bunny - 16/08/2009 13:58 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 326

You deserved it 5 005

By GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 041

You deserved it 3 511

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 417

You deserved it 6 699

Exercise One

By blah - 02/06/2020 23:00

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 292

You deserved it 419

By R_U_CEREAL - 04/07/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 083

You deserved it 13 722

Humping

By needanotherbed - 28/05/2014 14:21 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 388

You deserved it 6 186

Not helping

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 06:00 - Spain

Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 1 277

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 677

You deserved it 9 280

Doggy style

By failuretolaunch2 - 26/02/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I'm dating a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 552

You deserved it 4 895

Xx3rdBASSxX 9

Sunday 4 December 2011 19:05

Was the pillow pet Horney?

MicroFuturism 1

Sunday 4 December 2011 19:05

Pfft don't be so uptight.

Comments

Unstoppabl3 0

Monday 5 December 2011 2:12

Twilight Sparkle? O.o

hedgehog80 0

Monday 5 December 2011 2:22

So how do children have sex?

anjtrg_1112 23

Monday 5 December 2011 2:34

Hahaha your boyfriend is hilarious !!!! (:

arkid24 1

Monday 5 December 2011 2:36

Hes childish while you own a pillow pet? Riigghht. Congrats, he just stooped to your level

iloveadele123 1

Monday 5 December 2011 2:43

Quite the BF you got there! Lucky you, OP!

monkeysareyummy 0

Monday 5 December 2011 2:44

I still don't understand this.

Strwbry3Shortcke 8

Monday 5 December 2011 2:58

Lol... "My unicorn pillow pet" And he's the immature one!

soccerhoe 0

Monday 5 December 2011 3:16

You should not be telling him to stop acting like a child if you even have a pillow pet in the first place

kelis_fml 0

Monday 5 December 2011 3:18

He's the child? Why do you even have a pillow pet?!

Urface103 0

Monday 5 December 2011 3:20

lol but isnt a unicorn childish!?? haha thats a little contradicting...i thinkni spelled that wrong haha

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 584

You deserved it 16 950

Today, I took my hoodie off in public and my shirt accidentally lifted up with it. I've had bad skin problems since I was 12 or 13, and my chest looks horrific as a result. Everyone in my vicinity reacted with horror and called me all sorts of awful names. Nice to know that my appearance makes me that repulsive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 88

The Top

Today, I ran into an old friend, and she remarked how she couldn't believe we hadn't seen each other in a year. Except not only did I attend her baby shower a few weeks ago, I spent hundreds of dollars on a unique gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 262

You deserved it 2 873

Today, my date escaped through a second-storey bathroom window before our drinks even arrived. She later texted me that it wasn’t my fault, I just reminded her too much of her father, even though I’m two years younger than her and look nothing like the photos I've seen of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 110

Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 545

You deserved it 7 082

Today, I had a conference with my dad, my counselor, and my history and English teachers because my dad was "concerned" about my grades in those two classes. We talked for a while and it was going well, then my counselor asked what I wanted to study in college. I said I wanted to be a teacher. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 812

You deserved it 4 673

Today, my grandmother refused to wear clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 455

You deserved it 2 712

Today, I hate the government for starting talking about vaccine passports and mandating the Covid-19 vaccine, because I almost had my wife convinced to go get it, and now she's all, "I'm not doing something they are telling me I have to do. I'm not a sheep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 355