Miscellaneous: Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a... - FML

By sadguyme - 22/10/2012 07:31 - United States - Turlock

Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 647

You deserved it 5 111

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

By funy_hunie - 02/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 243

Hold me close

By chachi - 28/09/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 119

You deserved it 6 746

By Doglover - 02/11/2017 14:00

Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 908

You deserved it 950

By madeline9322 - 20/12/2016 03:15 - Canada

Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 571

You deserved it 784

He prefers the dog

By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 14:00

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 360

Teddy is always there for you

By Lunar-Spice - 16/12/2020 04:54 - United States - Midlothian

Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 94

Good boy

By fall3nrain - 11/09/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 798

You deserved it 7 171

By hopeless romantic - 14/08/2014 15:06 - United States - Dayton

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 165

You deserved it 5 528

Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 492

You deserved it 4 506

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 23:02 - United States

Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 125

You deserved it 6 625

Next

Top comments

satanic_fml 13

Monday 22 October 2012 16:07

or a heater

infamous1212 10

Monday 22 October 2012 16:09

Is it really that cold in California or are you just looking for an excuse to spoon your dog?

Comments

Dcm210 19

Monday 22 October 2012 16:34

Get a blanket.

lostinlabels 8

Monday 22 October 2012 16:36

You're still staying warm, right? Girlfriend not needed after all.

ScarletBloom 14

Monday 22 October 2012 16:38

Set yourself on fire.

peachesncreem 21

Monday 22 October 2012 17:01

It's probably perdix doing that to you Noor.

FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29

Monday 22 October 2012 17:32

Or you know there's a thing called a blanket.

ICastillo 24

Monday 22 October 2012 17:33

Come on its not that hard to get an extra blanket or a little heater..shit even an electric blanket will keep you warm.

peachesncreem 21

Monday 22 October 2012 17:38

Bausgit? Or is he in your attic?

RpiesSPIES 27

Monday 22 October 2012 17:40

That would explain his low posting rate, these days.

ManInTheMachine 19

Monday 22 October 2012 17:43

*Baustigt *she Don't get in on the shenanigans if you can't get your shit straight. Besides, Baustigt is locked up with my dog in the secret room in my house.

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Monday 22 October 2012 17:55

Just keep adding blankets. When I'm training or deployed my wife sleeps under about eight of them.

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The Top

Today, one of my co-workers, who I secretly hate, announced she and her husband were expecting. She's rather big. Without thinking, I said, "How did he manage to find your vag under those fat rolls?" I got placed on suspension and now have to attend a training on sexual harassment in the workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 3 797

Today, I was at the grocery store when I bumped into my ex. Trying to be polite, I asked how she was doing, only for her to reply, "Great, thanks! I'm actually getting married next month." Meanwhile, I was standing there in a Garfield t-shirt clutching a carton of Ben & Jerry's and a bottle of cheap wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 163

The Top

Today, after my parents treating love like a war, always trying to score some sort of victory over each other, while me and my wife never argued a day in our lives, I’m the one staring down the barrel of divorce, while my parents have been happily married for over 50 years. I just don’t understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 381

Today, I realized my fiance would rather sit in the garage and get high than spend any time with me. I can't remember the last time we had sex and I don't know what to do at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 133

Today, my parents came to my house for my birthday. My mom backed her car into my motorcycle, knocking it over. She said because it was my birthday I could pay for the damages to her car later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 032

You deserved it 2 172

Today, it was my first day as an animal control officer. My first dispatch was to collect a dog that had been hit by a car. I had to clean up my dead dog on my first day of a job that barely pays rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 496

You deserved it 4 221

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 206

You deserved it 11 252

Today, I took my 8 year-old nephew to Laser Tag for his birthday party. I reluctantly was forced into playing one game. Apparently, no one explained the rules to one child, and instead of 'shooting' me with his laser pointer, he kicked me straight in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 374

You deserved it 3 495