Miscellaneous: Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could...

By Anonymous - 07/04/2012 19:40 - United States

Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 807

You deserved it 53 660

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Same thing different taste

Deluxe Memory Man

By St Steven - 15/04/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping but once at the store I realized that I'd forgotten my shopping list at home. I ended up buying a bunch of random items using basic guesswork and forgetting what I had originally gone to the store for. I now have two avocados, even though I hate avocados. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 1 210

As a treat

By Undercooked - 24/09/2013 19:08 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 079

You deserved it 4 767

By craigtm029429 - 02/03/2012 00:47 - United States

Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 834

You deserved it 1 895

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 07:18 - United States - American Canyon

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 695

You deserved it 7 396

Classic

By Dylan - 15/10/2023 06:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I went to the supermarket to buy just one item - a single, ripe avocado. After spending way too long choosing the perfect one, I got to the checkout counter. I'd left my wallet at home. I had to abandon my poor avocado. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 533

Hello, goodbye

By Joey - 07/05/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 139

You deserved it 5 241

Lunch Special

By Luisa - 09/01/2020 01:00

Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 057

You deserved it 232

By Snuffles - 24/04/2019 18:00

Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 955

You deserved it 234

By neverunderstood - 02/12/2016 12:39 - Italy - San Pietro In Casale

Today, my wife suddenly texted me to meet her halfway beetween our house and the supermarket. I immediately put my shoes on and started walking eager to get to her as fast as I could to surprise her. Turns out she was carrying three heavy bags and yelled at me for being slow and by foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 428

You deserved it 1 423

Breakfast time!

By shit flavored eggs - 09/03/2021 00:30

Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 429

dontfmlplzzz 6

Sunday 8 April 2012 1:59

Common sense isn't so common nowadays

loller27 6

Sunday 8 April 2012 2:00

dude what did you think it meant

Comments

gman90210 18

Sunday 8 April 2012 5:25

I don't know my Blt consists of a pound apple wood smoked bacon home style real mayo and lightly toasted bread.

sweetmama88 6

Sunday 8 April 2012 5:30

OMG you for got the bacon ! Lol

smb12346 17

Sunday 8 April 2012 5:39

He clearly stated "I got the bacon"

doctorhook86 24

Sunday 8 April 2012 5:30

You guys rock. I vote for Ukrainian food: perogies ftw!

lianneg 0

Sunday 8 April 2012 5:35

Yeah..because there is an A in BLT for avocado!

ChickenNuggets22 0

Sunday 8 April 2012 7:44

Its just hiding!!

nosnipeforyou 9

Sunday 8 April 2012 5:51

omg, that is so funny!

christy3761 0

Sunday 8 April 2012 5:58

WOW.

courtz94 24

Sunday 8 April 2012 6:04

Wow..

JinxedPixie 16

Sunday 8 April 2012 6:12

Props to your wife! :D

mrtjawesome 14

Sunday 8 April 2012 6:12

big lazer terrorist? no. bad lettuce taco? no not that either. WHAT COULD IT BE? O.0

AzWolf 5

Sunday 8 April 2012 6:15

Duh!

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Today, I've had a crush on a guy for a while - a friend of mine knows this. I finally decided to find out once and for all if there was any chance with him, so I drove to his house, armed with a home cooked meal and wine, only to find the very friend I confided in was at his house. It turns out they are now an item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 152

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 338

You deserved it 15 970

The Top

Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father has been pushing me to apply for years, so I ecstatically broke the news. Instead of congratulating me, he just grunted and delivered the more important news that he's divorcing my mum. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 262

You deserved it 1 867

Today, my Grandma was showing me an ancient family letter. It was apparently written by someone historically famous. She was going on about how important it was, in such good condition too, worth a lot. I dropped my glass of juice. It spilt all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 940

You deserved it 48 282

Today, I had to pick my grandma up because she was drunk, at church, at 9am. FML

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You deserved it 2 500

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at dinner, which would’ve been nice if we hadn’t been dating for only two months, and dinner was at Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 150

Today, I went for an interview in the big city, with an expensive commute. Despite being an office-based management role requiring years of experience, they only offered minimum wage. After explaining it wouldn't be acceptable and tried to negotiate, they kicked me out and had the balls to call me "ungrateful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 98

Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 651

You deserved it 39 709