Intimacy: Today, my roommate barged into my bedroom while my girlfriend...

By BrokenHangLow - 24/04/2017 12:00 - United States - Havelock

Today, my roommate barged into my bedroom while my girlfriend and I were getting intimate. She freaked out and spun off of me trying to cover herself. I'm now in the hospital with a fractured dingle-dangle. What did he want that was so important? To ask if he could eat last pack of Pop-Tarts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 189

You deserved it 401

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Same thing different taste

Skittish

By bronzemedal97 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 064

You deserved it 3 308

By kaylashay2k13 - 17/05/2016 14:18 - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 030

You deserved it 1 102

By Anonymous - 02/03/2011 11:20 - United States

Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 572

You deserved it 6 325

By burritobreasts - 15/10/2014 06:27

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 138

You deserved it 5 308

By Jack - 26/10/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 983

You deserved it 2 992

By ohmygoodness - 02/03/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 706

You deserved it 17 278

By Anonymous - 11/07/2017 14:40 - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 232

You deserved it 2 647

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 978

You deserved it 7 499

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 11:00 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, I was woken by my younger sister punching me in the balls. She also pulled the duvet off, and dragged me out of bed by my feet and onto the floor. All because I ate her chocolates, which were a gift. I was left writhing in pain in my underwear right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 1 985

By anonymous - 18/12/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 403

You deserved it 4 468

RichardPencil 30

Monday 24 April 2017 18:07

I need to know the end of this story. Was it OK? Was it OK that he finish the last of the Pop-Tarts?

wickedgetz 30

Monday 24 April 2017 18:46

that was not cool. your roomie should have knocked first. on the 1 hand atleast he had the decency to ask... on the other hand he may have just wanted to see ur gf in the nude.

Comments

cloudking 5

Monday 24 April 2017 0:41

old tie on the doorknob trick would of saved your wiener here

C8H18 33

Monday 24 April 2017 8:21

Invest in a door lock.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 24 April 2017 18:07

I need to know the end of this story. Was it OK? Was it OK that he finish the last of the Pop-Tarts?

Glowworm56 26

Monday 24 April 2017 18:32

I can't stop laughing at the description of the penis as a "dingle-dangle"

wickedgetz 30

Monday 24 April 2017 18:46

that was not cool. your roomie should have knocked first. on the 1 hand atleast he had the decency to ask... on the other hand he may have just wanted to see ur gf in the nude.