Love: Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding...

By roadkill0321 - 07/11/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 490

You deserved it 5 380

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Same thing different taste

By Rosey - 23/07/2014 20:57 - United States - Manson

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mother still calls his ex-girlfriend her "future daughter-in-law". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 115

You deserved it 3 344

You never know

By Mezzlegasm - 10/07/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, I was talking to my good friend's girlfriend. She mentioned being afraid of losing her job. Because she was still a teenager, I jokingly said, "Oh, like you're responsible for a whole family!" She is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 091

You deserved it 51 257

Mrs Nostradamus

By Anonymous - 08/06/2022 02:00

Today, my mum met my amazing new girlfriend, but later said she'd probably cheat on me. She had correctly foreseen my ex would get pregnant against my will, take the child away, and sue for support, which I didn't believe back then. What should I do now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 179

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 23:01 - United States

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the "I know I'm not your mother..." speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 785

You deserved it 3 010

By mommydearest - 04/09/2011 16:08 - Denmark

Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 322

You deserved it 4 113

By Anonymous - 19/05/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 332

You deserved it 3 187

By Anonymous - 02/12/2010 21:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 541

You deserved it 2 854

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 05:13 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, I learned that if you complain to your mom about your future mother-in-law's bitchiness, your overprotective mom might confront her about it and end up punching her in the face. My fiancée blames me for the incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 165

You deserved it 7 278

By divorced - 07/03/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I said to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said, "Mommy, I don't want to leave." She wasn't talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 087

You deserved it 10 446

By M.A. - 25/02/2014 05:22 - United States - Prescott

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. This poses a problem, because her mother is my boss, and we work in an office on the first story of their apartment. Tomorrow I have to decide whether to quit my awesome and only job, or go to work for my now ex's mother in their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 098

You deserved it 5 541

faerieworld 1

Monday 7 November 2011 12:10

Relax. It just means if you hurt the daughter her mother will gouge your eyes out with her sharp beak and talons.

phoenixslayer69 4

Monday 7 November 2011 12:07

Run and hide!

Comments

dmadsen33 9

Monday 7 November 2011 13:14

Wow.. She is going to sit on you...

Jesus_Christ69 0

Monday 7 November 2011 13:20

Hide yer kids.

glittercookies 12

Monday 7 November 2011 15:37

Hide yo wife

Jesus_Christ69 0

Monday 7 November 2011 15:41

Hide your... Grandmother?

TipOfTheHat 10

Monday 7 November 2011 13:22

Talk about going into the wrong chicken coup!

deefan101 11

Monday 7 November 2011 13:30

I suggest hiding....... FOR LIFE!!! ?

MrSaxMan 0

Monday 7 November 2011 13:41

So if you screw her daughter, mammas gunna want some too

2wenty0ne21 0

Monday 7 November 2011 13:54

Tell her to mind her own business!

leadman1989 15

Monday 7 November 2011 13:57

It means all your ball/wrench dodging skills are about to cone in pretty handy.

leadman1989 15

Monday 7 November 2011 14:01

Meant *come... damn fingers

CryMoreFMLs 14

Monday 7 November 2011 14:26

If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.

BighornB 0

Monday 7 November 2011 14:07

Typical white trash redneck talk. They all think they are bad ass when really they are all full of shit

vins25_fml 0

Monday 7 November 2011 14:10

U gotta run big timeeee

ThisIsSpicy 2

Monday 7 November 2011 14:12

Maybe she's planning on pecking you to death....

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The Top

Today, I embarrassed myself and my husband at the wedding of one of his rich cousins by trying caviar for the first time, finding it unbearably disgusting, choking, spitting it out all over the table, and downing three glasses of water to stop myself coughing. Now they think I’m common as muck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 886

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 242

You deserved it 37 869

The Top

Today, to enhance our sex life, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex in our local mall's parking lot. The feeling of getting caught is fun and exhilarating. Until you actually get caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 209

You deserved it 54 687

Today, I found out that I have to reschedule my upcoming honeymoon because my office will be understaffed that week, due to the boss going on vacation right after my wedding. Oh, yeah, and he's in my bridal party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 998

You deserved it 2 701

Today, after much thought and serious consideration, I nervously admitted to my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. The first thing that he said in response was: "Want a threesome?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 545

You deserved it 40 921

Today, I excitedly started my first university psychology course. Enthusiastic and ready to learn, I listened as my teacher introduced himself. Turns out he's a major transphobe, who is in cahoots with the likes of Jordan Peterson and Ray Blanchard. Only 12 weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 885

Today, it seemed like a great day. Right up until the point to where I accidentally damaged a friend's MacBook Pro. Not only do I have to pay for it, but the only way I'll be able to afford it is by returning every single Christmas gift I get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 479

You deserved it 676

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 445

You deserved it 404 748

Same thing different taste

You never know

Mrs Nostradamus

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