Love: Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with...

By soontobesingle - 27/03/2013 19:55 - United Kingdom - Sherborne

Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 450

You deserved it 4 321

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Same thing different taste

By man - 08/05/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 358

You deserved it 10 374

Let that sink in

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 21:42 - Canada

Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 842

You deserved it 8 720

Explain yourself

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 200

You deserved it 4 580

It was the painkillers, I swear

By laurenh211 - 17/11/2020 17:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having painful surgery, so I decided to make him a nice big breakfast. As I was taking it up to him, I heard a message on the phone. It was from one of his nurses. She was accepting his offer of a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 269

You deserved it 77

By N/A - 25/09/2012 04:13 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 465

You deserved it 2 838

News to me

By Whitney - 09/10/2022 02:30

Today, my best friend called me and told me she was in the hospital in labor. Excited, I rush to the hospital. Once I arrived, I saw my boyfriend of 4 years in the room. I asked him what he was doing there and my friend says, “You wanna tell her or should I?” Turns out he’s leaving me for her. The baby is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 611

You deserved it 134

By Mariah Heimann - 15/12/2011 03:34 - United States

Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 113

You deserved it 3 380

Foot in mouth

By Noname - 24/02/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, one of my closest friends and I got into a fight. She ended the conversation with, "My grandma just had a stroke. Bye." I didn't believe her so I replied "That's great. Bye." Turns out her Grandma is in the hospital in critical condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 647

You deserved it 57 587

By Anonymous - 28/03/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524 409

You deserved it 37 006

Be careful, please!

By WolfsScar - 08/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Lincoln

Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 542

AbstraktThoughts 13

Wednesday 27 March 2013 23:29

Tell him that he's about to have another broken arm.

KY_Jelly 10

Wednesday 27 March 2013 23:29

That really sucks. And she must be a moron to speak while he's on the phone with his wife.

Comments

onorexveritas 23

Thursday 28 March 2013 19:16

thanks to her, you didnt

lonewolf621 17

Thursday 28 March 2013 22:45

Tell him that she was right!

hoepants0227 8

Thursday 28 March 2013 23:45

Ha my name is a joke. Get over yourself

emala1096 17

Friday 29 March 2013 6:21

I moderated this ^.^

AllegroRubato 16

Friday 29 March 2013 18:52

Send a buddy to break *his* arm. Then tell him that *now* you buy it.

damwoods 12

Sunday 31 March 2013 1:25

Chive then calm ... just think how easy it will be to piss him off when he finds my underwear in his drawer

NeinKittenz 20

Sunday 31 March 2013 7:20

Dislocate his arm then pimp slap that ***** with it.

DevilsAltair 8

Sunday 13 October 2013 19:58

Maybe their buying something for him

fantasyworld 37

Tuesday 6 May 2014 14:44

Break his arm.

bubblegumbitch16 2

Tuesday 8 July 2014 22:13

awe im sorry ... hes such an ass for doing that to you

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The Top

Today, I got home from working at KFC and hopped straight into the shower. I could see that the water was being tinged yellow by the grease that had got plastered on me at work and was now coming off, so I started gagging and almost threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 792

You deserved it 204

Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 216

The Top

Today, my son threw a temper tantrum and told me I “should have aborted him” and threatened to run away from home. Why? Because I nicely asked him to share his french fries with his sister. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 229

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 902

You deserved it 6 010

Today, when I went to pick my kid up from daycare, I found out that he had run away. The rest of my afternoon consisted of me screaming his name, looking for him. I then returned to the daycare center. He thought it would be funny if he hid in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 001

You deserved it 3 813

Today, I got up at 3:15 a.m. to be ready for work at 5 a.m. I get to my work station to find absolutely no work to do. After talking with my boss, I was sent home with no pay. If I'd been employed there 3 weeks longer, I would've been paid for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 745

You deserved it 152

Today, I was driving when this guy aggressively rode my tail and crossed over the yellow line to pass. He reached the stop light before I did, and I slowly pulled beside him and started clapping for this lunatic driver. He rolled down the window and said, "My daughter is in the hospital. How do I get there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 1 065

Today, I went into work to set up a new store. There was a lot of lifting so I dressed casual. This happened to be the day the owner brought in his conservative family to check out the store. I was wearing a shirt that says "Everyone Poops" and has a donkey and elephant pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 436

You deserved it 60 550