Love: Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature... - FML

By stopinthenameoflove - 19/06/2014 14:37 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 083

You deserved it 15 423

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Comedian

By WoofWoof - 27/09/2020 14:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 416

By Ducati - 10/08/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 852

You deserved it 13 475

By Tamps - 13/02/2009 09:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 073

You deserved it 6 890

By lunchbox2353 - 30/07/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, for 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend use a mini flashlight to look for her keys in her purse. The flashlight was on her key chain. As were her keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 382

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 098

You deserved it 10 949

By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 748

You deserved it 1 181

By Anonymous - 06/07/2009 01:49 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to Taco Bell since it's her favorite place to eat. I thought it'd be cute to get one of the sauce packets that says "Will you marry me?" on it and give it to her all cute-like. She thought it was adorable. While we were leaving, she threw it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 983

You deserved it 25 914

Real estate

By John - 20/07/2011 16:38 - United States

Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 945

You deserved it 12 200

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 21:27 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 017

You deserved it 3 765

By Awie - 20/10/2011 08:26 - Austria

Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 345

You deserved it 19 853

Next

Top comments

WiseGuy79 14

Thursday 19 June 2014 22:30

That's damn hilarious but a DO NOT ENTER sign would be even better...

Janawa 22

Thursday 19 June 2014 22:29

Well, I hope you get better at sex, for her sake.

Comments

syd_ross 3

Sunday 22 June 2014 4:21

maybe you should get better at sex then you wouldn't have this problem

Goblin182 26

Sunday 22 June 2014 19:38

Maybe sing during sex?

clair_brodie 35

Wednesday 25 June 2014 0:48

For some reason this made me picture Wyle E Coyote standing in the road with a stop sign.

millertime911 15

Monday 21 July 2014 9:10

oh my! time to either get urself The Kama Sutra, or a new gf!

harleyangel0373 7

Tuesday 13 October 2015 2:25

Learn what she enjoys.

Solano2580 24

Friday 22 January 2016 17:18

Steal it from her and hold it up when you get bored when she's talking. When she gets mad, point it out and agree how immature both instances are so you two can work out the first problem.

SunshineBoy_fml 16

Friday 29 January 2016 18:11

It's a little sad for you though. But did you obey the sign? :p

Huntersmommy2197 7

Friday 25 November 2016 22:36

S.queeze T.itty O.n P.assenger.

Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Fight Family Kids Love Relatable Students Work Animals Birds Sleep Noise Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Revenge Cats

The Top

Today, my dad, who never supported us growing up, and who calls once a month to collect his monthly living expenses, gave me an ultimatum: either buy him a plane ticket so that he can come live with me forever (he's a raging alcoholic) OR to send him $4,500 US Dollars (which where he lives is someone's 6 month salary). FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 105

Today, my husband pathetically tried to convince me that his “friend” has his Facebook password, and “hacks” into his account to message another woman using his profile. The dick picture he sent her by text message? His “friend” has his iCloud password and “hacked” it, and sent it himself. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 168

The Top

Today, I got home from work and face-planted into my sofa because I hate my job, suffer from depression, recently lost my wife to cancer, and a host of other BS. As I face-planted it turned out that my sister invited herself over and had fell asleep, curled up under a blanket. Our heads collided at 30 mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 77

Today, as it has been for nearly 60 years, my name is Karen. I’ve never once asked to speak to the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 143

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 845

You deserved it 23 951

Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 164

You deserved it 29 288

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 052

You deserved it 3 284

Today, I was showing my mum how to use eBay. Unfortunately I didn't notice my recent purchase history was on display: a huge black dildo, a jockstrap, and a bong amongst them. Of course, she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 1 461