Love: Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale...

By jasmith - 18/11/2012 07:45 - United States - Addison

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 040

You deserved it 3 557

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Same thing different taste

Get your act together

By Z…… - 14/11/2012 00:43 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 762

You deserved it 35 980

Healthy relationship

By scared - 24/06/2020 23:02

Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 2 556

By gabbykinz13 - 08/03/2012 21:48 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 039

You deserved it 57 205

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 18:23 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 841

You deserved it 5 514

By Andrew - 30/10/2012 06:08 - United States - Monroe

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 928

You deserved it 46 518

Hard act to follow

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 12:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn't follow her latest fad of becoming a goth, which involves dressing like an undertaker's haunted hearse and putting on eyeliner. Last week she was into Reggae and beanie hats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 227

You deserved it 13 443

Not a morning person

By crazybitch - 18/06/2012 04:57 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 001

You deserved it 4 041

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 18:09 - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 142

You deserved it 44 611

Food for thought

By Whatthehell - 18/06/2022 04:00

Today, my girlfriend is mentally unhinged. She had a full on temper tantrum and ranted about healthy eating, and how she’s “fat” and needs to lose 30 pounds, all because I suggested Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. She stormed out of the house. I later ran into her at a local pizza place, devouring a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 164

Love hurts

By wray16 - 26/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 127

bubina 14

Sunday 18 November 2012 16:35

I guess she pillaged and plundered your balls.

lelo007 11

Sunday 18 November 2012 16:36

Kindly take the wooden spoon from her and return the favor by whacking her in the forehead with it.

Comments

gc327072 30

Sunday 18 November 2012 17:47

Happy Leif Eriksson day! Hinga-dinga-dergen

Thelnternet 7

Sunday 18 November 2012 17:48

23 - because noor uses references from the bad spongebob episodes

CaptNomNom 17

Sunday 18 November 2012 18:04

Your life. RUN OR IT!!

Akharr01 5

Sunday 18 November 2012 18:05

Start calling her Helga or something she'll hate it and stop being a Viking !

ICastillo 24

Sunday 18 November 2012 18:08

Yeah and piss her off and then he is going to get Viking stomped in the nuts when he falls asleep.

simoncat 11

Sunday 18 November 2012 18:09

Gee. FML sure gives a glimpse into the crazy of others. In this case, dump the crazy norsewoman, before "Viking" gives way to "Vicodin " - a wooden spoon? Really? Oy.

Freedom92 12

Sunday 18 November 2012 18:16

Time for your to assume the role of Tarzan and escape via vine ;)

KalCountry76 12

Sunday 18 November 2012 18:25

Maybe you should pillage her body and let her know you'll leave the raping for later.

Mikeskinner 7

Sunday 18 November 2012 18:58

I can't be the only one who thought this was going to have taken place in Scandinavia.

GhostChickens 17

Sunday 18 November 2012 18:59

"Could women be Vikings? Strictly speaking, they could not. The Old Norse word vikingar is exclusively applied to men, usually those who sailed from Scandinavia in groups to engage in the activities of raiding and trading in Britain, Europe and the East." - Stolen from the BBC. Now I think you need to start a spoon war to win back your land.

GUNN1313 3

Sunday 18 November 2012 19:09

Their are many historical accounts of women going Viking lets not for get that one of the best burials of the Vikings found to date was just that. Op if she wants to be a Viking you should be down to rape pillage and plunder her sounds like that's what she wants from you and sure to be a great night