Miscellaneous: Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently... - FML

By DeeDee - 04/02/2014 22:08 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 735

You deserved it 5 441

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 13/04/2015 15:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 925

You deserved it 6 037

By Anonymous - 03/03/2012 03:05 - United States

Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 870

You deserved it 10 022

By everore - 25/12/2012 18:12 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 065

You deserved it 3 458

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 294

You deserved it 7 215

By Anonymous - 20/03/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 299

You deserved it 4 577

Awks

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 21:23 - United States - Plaquemine

Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My best friend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 978

You deserved it 3 507

Brotherly love

By Anonymous - 16/06/2023 22:00

Today, my brother was going to get some drinks for a party we were going to. After getting the drinks, he ended up leaving me at home while he went and got drunk like never before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 89

By sucker and suckatash/say don't spray - 17/07/2013 10:06 - United States - Pearl City

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 982

You deserved it 6 685

By swervelol - 14/07/2016 19:06

Today, as well as for the past two weeks, my brother has been making up songs about farts and singing them non-stop. He's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 762

You deserved it 1 107

By holywowz - 17/05/2017 18:00

Today, I went to a comedy show, expecting to feel better about a difficult relationship. Instead, I saw a performance written by the girl who loves my husband, about my husband, and how she loves him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 164

You deserved it 364

Next

Top comments

xblaine 17

Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:25

What an attention *****.

unjustlychicken 10

Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:23

is his name dane cook?

Comments

mazdarx94 6

Wednesday 5 February 2014 19:35

pro heckler

Symqathy 4

Wednesday 5 February 2014 23:15

He was just helping. ;)!

brendanloftus 1

Thursday 6 February 2014 5:02

This is actually pretty funny..

Lazychild 4

Thursday 6 February 2014 19:18

That's not cool. Sorry OP.

jdwmoore 5

Thursday 6 February 2014 21:28

sucks, but hilarious

xicul 3

Sunday 9 February 2014 23:16

Hahaha

Asstarotte 7

Tuesday 11 February 2014 3:50

Your brother is a dick

redhotskittle 6

Tuesday 25 February 2014 5:47

That sucks, your brother sounds like an asshole. Congratulations though, for doing stand up comedy. That takes a lot of effort, I hope you go far. ;) best wishes

TheMystery13 13

Saturday 8 March 2014 0:02

That's where you need to be able to improv: "Yes folks, that's my brother, the living condom ad. I'm not saying I don't love him, I'm just saying I hate my dad for not having the decency to just rub one out. They say comics are tortured souls...you know how many times I've walked in on this asshole trying to suck himself off? What do you expect? But it does explain that time at the family picnic when the watermelon had a hole drilled into it. I mean, I'd heard of that kind of thing before, I just figured you made the hole with a spoon, not a pencil! No wonder all of my mom's eyebrow tweezers kept disappearing!" If he doesn't **** off after that...

skiddalz 21

Tuesday 8 April 2014 23:17

this comment made my life

kelizabethb0704 22

Tuesday 9 February 2016 5:14

why would you hand out your material man

Keywords

Miscellaneous Weird Shopping Awkward My ex Relatable Family Racism AITA Love Kids Cheating Work Break-ups Cats Animals Cute Sex Intimacy Relationship advice Coworkers Alcohol Health Psychology Mental health Cops Neighbours Scary Parents Stressed out

The Top

Today, according to my husband, if I die first he won’t be looking after my son from a previous marriage. Either my sister will have to take him or he’ll go into foster care. He doesn’t want kids of his own, so he’ll be dammed if he has to look after someone else’s just because I’m dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 506

You deserved it 946

Today, I asked a girl from Bumble for a full body pic. She was obese, so I told her it wasn’t gonna work. She then sent a video of her in real time looking slim and told me that picture was from when she was obese, and she'd sent that picture as a “test of my character” and she’s “better off without someone so judgy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 947

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 321

You deserved it 34 484

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 652

You deserved it 3 394

Today, my husband refused to let our 7-week-old daughter have a pacifier, because he doesn't want her growing up to be a "whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 848

You deserved it 4 881

Today, I was at the library using a computer to order a package. A man sat down next to me mumbling to himself while staring at me. As I got up to go to the printer, he pointed at me and screamed, "I will burn you alive and enjoy it!" All of my info including my address was still on the computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 032

You deserved it 5 329

Today, I realized my Internet addiction had gone too far when I tried to Google what was in my freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 665

You deserved it 28 881

Today, while eating a sandwich, I saw a worm. Knowing that my friend always tries to scare me with fake worms and insects, I bit it to show her I knew it was fake. It was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 524

You deserved it 33 681