Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis...

By bathtime - 21/12/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 929

You deserved it 4 207

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Same thing different taste

It's a witch!

By umm... - 30/03/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 334

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 06:21

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 313

You deserved it 5 638

By quirrus - 07/05/2012 09:42 - United States

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 052

You deserved it 9 817

By Pissy - 23/05/2019 06:05

Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 351

You deserved it 224

Wet noodle

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 14:01

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 05:57 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 295

You deserved it 15 550

By dickofbrokendreams - 02/03/2015 05:14 - United States - Waynesville

Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 013

You deserved it 3 476

By journey_Jeanne - 08/12/2011 02:31 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 024

You deserved it 5 151

Who are these people ?

By ShelbyIsAwesome - 04/03/2021 17:01

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he hasn't showered in over a week because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 132

By Shelby - 14/08/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 226

MsSoulReaper 27

Wednesday 21 December 2011 8:41

If I had a penis I would so try that.

n_epic_fail 14

Wednesday 21 December 2011 9:12

No you're just an airhead

Comments

aFreedom127 9

Wednesday 21 December 2011 11:20

I got nothing.

JadeWalker 14

Wednesday 21 December 2011 19:35

thats a first.

brock329 3

Wednesday 21 December 2011 20:29

Finally lmao

JhunnySuperman 0

Friday 30 December 2011 4:47

Your blonde nobody expects you to have an idea

perdix 29

Wednesday 21 December 2011 11:25

It's a witch! Burn it!

bekaashley 17

Wednesday 21 December 2011 11:36

Wow what an idiot!

alsgirl 24

Wednesday 21 December 2011 11:37

It's a DUCK!

googlewtf 0

Wednesday 21 December 2011 12:50

PFD personal floatation device pull incase of an emergency

UsEumYong 4

Wednesday 21 December 2011 12:50

CAPTAIN!! ICEBERG AHEAD!!!

rockinsexychick 5

Wednesday 21 December 2011 13:28

Just think now you don't have to buy anymore rubber duckies :D

JhunnySuperman 0

Friday 30 December 2011 4:49

Am I the only one without a rubber ducky wtf!!!!

elenarox 1

Wednesday 21 December 2011 14:45

81, ahahah u just made my day :D

RevSen 3

Wednesday 21 December 2011 14:47

You realize this means his penis is a witch.

graham11 14

Wednesday 21 December 2011 15:14

4- no its called buoyancy. I guarantee if you jumped into a pool, you could float. It doesn't really matter if a person is fat or not..

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while trying to spice up our marriage, we decided to get a hotel room and roleplay as strangers who meet in a bar and have a one night stand. By the time I got there, he was engrossed in the football and on the beer. He didn't notice me arrive and when he did, he was too drunk to get the roleplay right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 275

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 251

You deserved it 7 781

The Top

Today, after falling head over heels for a guy I've been crushing on for the past few months; I discovered that he's gay, dislikes children and I stand absolutely no chance. This isn't even the first time this has happened. I have the worst gaydar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 261

Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize their farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 321

You deserved it 5 753

Today, I got a call from my parents that they have decided to get a divorce. My brothers and I just shelled out $5,000 each and spent months planning their 50th Anniversary party that was supposed to be next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 216

You deserved it 3 201

Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 324

You deserved it 3 081

Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 513

You deserved it 10 448

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 357

You deserved it 51 749

Same thing different taste

It's a witch!

Wet noodle

Who are these people ?

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