Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I...

By flavored - 18/11/2013 15:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 204

You deserved it 19 442

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Same thing different taste

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 085

You deserved it 83 378

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 504

You deserved it 59 415

By welted - 01/01/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 210

You deserved it 4 235

By BlueBirdWings - 06/03/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 777

You deserved it 6 794

By BlueBirdWings - 31/05/2019 02:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 308

By katie - 23/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 707

You deserved it 3 837

Mood ruiner

By Skittles - 13/08/2017 20:00

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 836

You deserved it 1 297

By Anonymous - 14/02/2011 17:15 - Belgium

Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 885

You deserved it 4 882

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 924

You deserved it 74 547

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 085

You deserved it 40 021

metallica_wins 20

Monday 18 November 2013 18:58

At least you'd make it on 1000 Ways To Die.

dantee2005 33

Monday 18 November 2013 18:58

Well, nothing for me to say "cockcicle" says it all

Comments

KittySoStoned420 3

Monday 18 November 2013 20:37

Haha choking is his favorite part; make sure to do that more often!

TheBrochure 22

Monday 18 November 2013 20:56

How close to half to death did you get? 48%? 49%?!

license2chill 5

Monday 18 November 2013 21:02

Maybe that's the human body's way of saying, "stop sucking the condoms"

Chris93Jones 20

Monday 18 November 2013 21:07

well that really blows, OP

Chris93Jones 20

Monday 18 November 2013 21:08

why can't comments be favourited?

mythicaltimes 15

Monday 18 November 2013 21:15

possibly the best fml ever

flashback_fml 14

Monday 18 November 2013 21:41

Classy way to go

underthesea12 24

Monday 18 November 2013 22:06

wait till marriage!

Xotoolyxo 16

Monday 18 November 2013 22:10

He probably didn't mind

jloko16 11

Monday 18 November 2013 23:35

Screw condoms! Men's whip cream tastes so much better

Keywords

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The Top

Today, it's been a week since I was dumped. I planned to stay at my apartment, cry, and eat chocolate in peace. My roommate decided to have loud sex with her boyfriend in the apartment. She refused to quiet down, saying, "My body, my rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 556

You deserved it 4 759

Today, after convincing my now ex-girlfriend that I wasn’t cheating on her with a girl from work the other day, I accidentally called her by her name. They both start with “M”. Hello, single life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 550

The Top

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 087

You deserved it 9 507

Today, my boyfriend was wearing a new shirt he had bought over the weekend. It was really cute and I always borrow his shirts so I asked to borrow his new one. He replied with, "Okay but please don't stretch this one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 823

You deserved it 18 862

Today, same-sex marriage is finally legal in my country. However, it's taken so long since I got engaged that our perfect wedding venue has gone out of business, and everywhere else is at least three times the price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 773

You deserved it 364

Today, I was at Walmart and I asked an employee for help. She turned around with tears streaming down her face and said, “I'm kind of in the middle of an emergency right now!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 213

Today, due to my lagging browser, I accidentally "liked" a status my friend made about the deterioration of her relationship. Then, the computer froze, making it impossible to "unlike" it immediately. My friend won't accept that it was a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 045

You deserved it 5 747

Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 614

You deserved it 4 912