Intimacy: Today, my anxiety cockblocked me. I was in the middle of a wank,...

By helpme - 24/11/2015 06:34 - United States - Annapolis

Today, my anxiety cockblocked me. I was in the middle of a wank, about to come, when I suddenly freaked out and had to stop and check to make sure I didn't have any homework due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 647

You deserved it 4 644

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Wanking to death

By Anonymous - 30/11/2013 00:17 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 737

You deserved it 12 416

By Anonymous - 21/02/2019 17:00 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I had a anxiety attack about taking my anxiety medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 114

You deserved it 329

By Dead_Fox - 21/11/2012 05:48 - United States - Jonesboro

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 867

You deserved it 3 879

By anxiety - 16/11/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I had an anxiety attack because I thought I'd lost my anxiety medication. It ended up being on the shelf right where I left it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 186

You deserved it 10 348

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 259

You deserved it 4 939

By polimeros - 09/05/2012 22:19 - Mexico - Queretaro

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 609

You deserved it 41 815

All I need to do…

By Dreamblocker - 28/06/2021 22:00

Today, I was having an intense erotic dream. It was going great until I thought, "I hope this isn't a dream." This caused me to wake up. This isn't the first time I've cockblocked myself in a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 198

Speaks for us all

By Adan - 13/11/2020 17:58 - Pakistan - Peshawar

Today, I'm having an existential crisis. I don't what the future holds, I'm overthinking and stressing about things I could've controlled. Now I'm having a breakdown and I've got a test tomorrow and I have to take a bath, but all my lazy ass does is worry but never actually do the fucking work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 497

By sad-boing - 02/10/2015 21:01 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 948

You deserved it 6 889

By Sostupid - 24/01/2011 03:41 - Canada

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 499

You deserved it 8 796

Psycocharger 19

Tuesday 24 November 2015 18:36

Well, that sucks. Should've finished first (Which one do I mean ;))

saifnaqvi11 21

Tuesday 24 November 2015 18:33

Well did you have any?

Comments

vikky538 28

Tuesday 24 November 2015 23:26

You should have done multi tasking.

worldclassrager 39

Tuesday 24 November 2015 23:43

Well now you know...time to finish up...think of it as edging

Onyx3288 22

Wednesday 25 November 2015 0:59

It IS the end of the semester... Just thinking of the all-nighters you have to pull.... Is it bad that I understand?

Dynamite73 25

Wednesday 25 November 2015 3:05

wtf

DarthTaco351 12

Wednesday 25 November 2015 4:39

So your **** **** blocked your ****?

dutchy86 20

Wednesday 25 November 2015 6:29

put masturbating on the assignment list ;)

nina0917 26

Wednesday 25 November 2015 6:30

Haha

carrissa3 13

Wednesday 25 November 2015 7:24

What does wank mean

8djht8 19

Wednesday 25 November 2015 13:09

should a finished checked then wank again then hw.

Richard6036 13

Wednesday 25 November 2015 23:32

Sounds like you have a hard decision to make

Keywords

Transportation Awkward Cars Embarrassing Kids Family Babysitter Relatable Money Thief Mental health Health Depression Work Wanker Bodyshaming Love Annoying Vacation Students Parenting Intimacy AITA First Dates Singing Animals Cats Public freakouts Weddings Cops

The Top

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 384

You deserved it 4 153

Today, my 15 year-old son told me he had his first kiss. I told him how I was the same age when I had mine, and then I told him all kinds of wild stories about things I did in my childhood and college life. Truth is, I made them all up. I didn't get kissed till I was 24, and laid till I was 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 940

You deserved it 14 030

The Top

Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 551

You deserved it 4 800

Today, I went to the hospital due to vomiting and abdominal pain, and they decided to fit me with an IV drip. It took several tries by two different people to get the cannula in. I feel like a human pin-cushion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 828

You deserved it 4 499

Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday. I only remembered when my mom talked to me to let me know she wasn't planning on doing anything for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 611

You deserved it 1 507

Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 676

You deserved it 3 330

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 557

You deserved it 8 700

Today, after working my ass off for months for an open supervisor job at my work, I found out that they hired someone for the position. The guy has never worked for the company before, has a background completely unrelated to what we do, and has to be trained as he knows nothing about what we do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 129

Same thing different taste

Wanking to death

All I need to do…

Speaks for us all

Top comments

Comments