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By Anonymous / Saturday 7 February 2015 21:03 / United States - Edison
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By  Thinkitthrough  |  23

Oh that sucks OP. Happy birthday! On one hand he at least made it a happy ending... but I still think it's messed up to pretend like everything is great when it's not. I'm sorry OP

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  cheeeksss  |  29

Yes and no. I agree he made it a good day. And it was thoughtful to not dump her on her actual birthday. On the other hand, I personally will feel crushed from being dumped if I don't see it coming. Usually break ups happen after some thought. I think OP is more hurt that she didn't expect it.

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  sturschaedel  |  27

Yeah, so this boyfriend went out of his way to make her birthday very nice and dumped her afterwards, yet OP will still remember this as sucky because she was dumped immediatly after. Now I have to wonder: how long would the proper waiting period be if you discover you don't want to be with your partner anymore with their birthday just around the corner? From about a week prior to a week later maybe? So, you'd have to pretend everything is just dandy for up to two weeks? And wouldn't it be way worse to lead them on for so long? Any thoughts?

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  DraconicFeline  |  30

30, I was actually in a similar situation; things weren't going all that well with my previous boyfriend, and I wanted to break it off, but Valentine's Day was coming up. I was debating putting it off, but ended up deciding it was better to be truthful rather than lead him on. We ended up splitting on the actual day (not exactly my plan, but we had a date, and the topic came up, so...) I felt bad, but in the end I think it was better that way. I was lucky in that there weren't any hard feelings over it. But in general, I think it depends greatly on the person and the relationship itself. Our relationship was already fizzling out and it was kind of obvious that I wanted things to end, so it wasn't entirely unexpected, even though the date was unfortunate. I think overall it's better not to lead the person on, but there are situations in which it might be more tasteful to wait a bit longer, or at least try to cushion the blow, like OPs boyfriend did.

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  chosha_fml  |  23

#1 OP would spend the whole day feeling like he loved her and that things were great, only to find out he was waiting all day for midnight to come to end it. It would make that whole lovely day seem utterly fake. I'm not sure that isn't being a dick about it.

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  hrodvitnir  |  2

Ehhhh, no. He was probably trying to be nice about it, but it will just make the whole day feel gross and fake in retrospect. I would rather just have someone break up with me on the day (not like an arsehole, just without romancing me) than that.

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  Setareh23  |  34

#72 I definitely agree with you. If I were in the same situation as OP, I'd feel really bad knowing I had sex with someone who was just thinking the whole time about how much he didn't love me anymore and wanted to break up with me. Not to mention, this kind of situation can really break your self confidence and cause insecurities: if someone you loved could pretend so well and completely fool you like that, you will feel like you can never really know whether someone loves you or has gotten bored of you and is just faking it. I'm not saying that her bf was trying to be a jerk or anything (he probably had good intentions), but I don't think that was the best way to break up.

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#95, I don't know either of the people involved here, but it's possible the guy wasn't doing what you assume. I bet he approached it as, "I'm going to make this day as nice as possible for her, really show her a great time." I doubt he spent the whole time thinking how he couldn't wait to break up with her. I'm not saying I agree with his reasoning or actions, but I don't think he had to be evil or tricking her. After all, it's completely possible to really love someone but realize you just don't want to be with them any more. Breaking up doesn't have to mean you hate someone, no longer find them attractive, or don't respond to the same things you've always liked about them. It can just mean a relationship isn't going to work out. And sometimes that's the saddest thing of all.

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  Setareh23  |  34

#101 Perhaps you're right, it is hard to know without details. I do agree with you that he wasn't being intentionally cruel. As you said, he probably was hoping to make it a nice day for her. However, the way he broke with her the very moment it struck midnight leaves me to believe that breaking up with her WAS on his mind the whole day. If he was really just thinking about making her happy, he could at least have waited half a day so that the events (her birthday and his dumping her) wouldn't be so linked together. Doing it so immediately leads me to believe that breaking up with her was his ultimate intention, and that while he may have been genuinely trying to be nice to soften the blow, it was on his mind the whole day. As for the insecurities, I'm not talking about insecurities about your own self worth (because as you said, they might have had a smooth breakup and he told her he still thought she was a great gal and blah blah blah and she has great self-esteem), I'm talking more about doubting your own ability to read others. Even if the dude was super nice during the breakup and wasn't trying to trick her, the fact is that she was totally blind-sided and couldn't see the break-up coming at all. That can definitely make her a bit more paranoid/insecure about her future partner's feelings for her. Not saying that will definitely happen (like you said, we don't know any of the particulars), but just throwing out possibilities ;)

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#104, I thought you were proposing a scenario in which the guy was putting on an act while just waiting to dump her as soon as possible. I think you're right about what you're saying. I think he was proud of himself for not being a jerk, failed to consider the ramifications, and ended up being a jerk.

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  metalhead4740  |  14

Something like this happened to me recently. My girlfriend dumped me on New Year's Eve after we had planned to spend the whole night together. The worst break-ups are the ones you don't see coming

By  Thinkitthrough  |  23

Oh that sucks OP. Happy birthday! On one hand he at least made it a happy ending... but I still think it's messed up to pretend like everything is great when it's not. I'm sorry OP

By  StickyPickles  |  33

Still kind of a dick move. He could have waited til the next day. Sorry op

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  Blue_Black_fml  |  21

Well, I kind of agree with #7; even if he waited till midnight, which is technically the next day, for OP it must have still felt like it's the same day. He could've waited till the next evening, or better yet, the next couple of days so she doesn't remember the break up as being at the same time as her birthday. I also think he's an asshole for making her think that everything between them is great when he was planning to break up with her all along.

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