Health: Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good...

By Darwin_Award_Winner - 07/06/2012 12:10 - United States - Beaumont

Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 708

You deserved it 36 296

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 256

You deserved it 36 921

By extraflavour - 23/12/2009 20:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a local take-away and ordered a pizza. I watched the worker get my pizza out the oven, then wipe the pizza cutter on the trash bin to get rid of the last pizza's toppings, and then cut my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 527

You deserved it 3 189

By tylerlove361 - 11/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 076

You deserved it 34 020

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 00:10 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 149

You deserved it 5 980

By welp - 28/10/2015 04:11 - United States - Belton

Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 725

You deserved it 3 617

By mushroomtop - 23/09/2017 23:15

Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 3 497

By Anonymous - 02/02/2015 17:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 904

You deserved it 3 249

By figgy - 29/11/2010 10:46 - United States

Today, I was working in a deli when I cut more meat than I intended; I basically removed my fingerprint via the deli slicer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 265

You deserved it 6 091

By knifewow - 20/10/2016 08:30 - Australia - Ashgrove

Today, I angrily waved away an annoying fly with a large knife. I stabbed myself in the shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 422

You deserved it 13 435

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 04:26 - United States

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 988

You deserved it 6 348

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Thursday 7 June 2012 18:51

It's not normal to shave with a pizza cutter?

bellakaykid 6

Thursday 7 June 2012 18:51

What... Why the ****?

Comments

Blueglasscup 18

Thursday 7 June 2012 19:39

Could've been worse... You could have thought it was a good idea to use a pizza cutter to shave your pubes.

DerekCorbett 18

Friday 8 June 2012 4:22

OP never specified exactly where he was shaving, therefore your comment just may be true....

sporty1200xlr 6

Thursday 7 June 2012 19:41

We NEED to see pics!!!

shinshoku13 19

Thursday 7 June 2012 19:44

I dunno about anyone else but i dont even own a pizza cutter, i guess now i know why

DerekCorbett 18

Friday 8 June 2012 4:26

Now don't quote me on this, but I'm nearly positive that not everyone who owns a pizza cutter will get drunk and attempt to shave with it. So if you really want one, I think you're safe.

anarchist884 9

Thursday 7 June 2012 20:06

Wow.... I usually just talk crap and occasionally write texts I'll come to regret. You, sir, are an example for all drunks! ;)

SwaggCapone 11

Thursday 7 June 2012 20:18

So tell us. how'd that work out for ya

CCDNRGD81411 3

Thursday 7 June 2012 20:32

I hate those cheap 1 blade razors :)

Unbweavable 17

Thursday 7 June 2012 20:37

I really want to know the thought pattern that would lead you to this option

lively12 0

Thursday 7 June 2012 20:53

Did u learn anything from that experience??

MuseFan1991 14

Thursday 7 June 2012 21:05

i saw the words 'in a drunken state' and clicked YDI. if it seems a good idea when you're drunk, it probably isnt

radke1017 5

Thursday 7 June 2012 21:10

Well....what did you have to shave? ;)

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Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother, and my mom texted me, asking to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 458

You deserved it 2 907

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 246

You deserved it 589

The Top

Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend. In hopes of him putting his arm around me or holding my hand, I told him that I was very scared and pretended to cry a little. He told me to be quiet because I was ruining the movie for him. Then he moved seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 202

You deserved it 42 920

Today, I went to get insurance and I have a non-fault third party claim and yet my insurance has gone up. I wasn't even in the car when someone hit it. Why have I got penalised? They claim I'm now "statistically more likely to get in an accident." My car was parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 808

You deserved it 120

Today, I had a seizure, and as they were loading me into the ambulance, drooling on myself, I clearly heard my mother ask the ambulance crew if they’d mind swinging by the church on the way to the hospital, you know, in case it turns out I’m not sick, just possessed by the devil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 88

Today, I sent a reply-all email to my entire company that said "Go tit" instead of "Got it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 670

Today, I went to get my hair done. The hairdresser managed to catch my eyebrow piercing in his comb and almost rip it out. I now look like I have a gunshot wound on the upper right hand side of my face. I'm getting married in a matter of hours, and I still had to pay £100 for the hair cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 866

You deserved it 14 749

Today, a drunk crashed a truck into my porch. Shaken up, I was glad to see that so many of my neighbors had gathered around to comfort me. When the dust settled, I noticed my remaining porch furniture was missing. They weren't consoling me, they were casing the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 668

You deserved it 3 025

Same thing different taste

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