Intimacy: Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my...

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 005

You deserved it 4 670

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 944

You deserved it 14 580

So generous

By noway - 10/08/2011 17:47 - Singapore

Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 153

You deserved it 7 102

By Subliminal message - 19/01/2014 23:21 - Switzerland

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 724

You deserved it 8 493

Classy

By Username - 07/06/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 965

You deserved it 13 037

Make your mind up!

By nextcontestant16 - 19/11/2012 15:12 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 551

You deserved it 5 099

Enticing

By Anonymous - 20/06/2014 21:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said, "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 267

You deserved it 9 626

By omgwhyme - 08/01/2012 14:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 401

You deserved it 49 337

By dummy - 17/02/2012 00:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 725

You deserved it 5 663

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 002

You deserved it 4 479

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 290

You deserved it 2 748

pastel_fml 18

Wednesday 8 April 2015 8:02

Well, did it?

_kyleG_ 34

Wednesday 8 April 2015 8:08

I'd say that that sucks, but it sounds like it didn't

Comments

VoldooPed 20

Wednesday 8 April 2015 8:57

It was worth a try.

FrostyNipz19 12

Wednesday 8 April 2015 9:05

can you really blame him

Stryker_13 19

Wednesday 8 April 2015 9:11

The force is not strong with this one!

albertozeta_fml 9

Wednesday 8 April 2015 9:43

**** his life, so.

_Elmo_Elmo_ 11

Wednesday 8 April 2015 9:47

Dumbass

ChristinePi 36

Wednesday 8 April 2015 9:53

Next time he's asleep whisper something into his ear as well. "Please put the seat down after you use it" or what not.

Gillett 23

Wednesday 8 April 2015 14:54

A week? I need a ******* every day! If she can get some head whenever she wants it why can't I?

kristina12345 9

Wednesday 8 April 2015 9:56

Did it work?

killer0689 20

Wednesday 8 April 2015 10:17

well he tried atleast.

saffy66 34

Wednesday 8 April 2015 10:50

I just realised the irony of saying 'your life sucks'...

albertozeta_fml 9

Wednesday 8 April 2015 11:27

Her life, maybe but not her.

wakemeupplease 21

Wednesday 8 April 2015 11:27

Hypnotism... he's doing it wrong :D

Gillett 23

Wednesday 8 April 2015 14:56

Exactly, whip it out and swing it back and forth over her face and maybe that'll spark her interest.

Keywords

Social Media Facebook Embarrassing Work Virginity Intimacy Sex Health Painful School Tinder Awkward Dating Love Anxiety Relatable Skincare Sextoys Poopoo peepee Art Kids Birthday Covid Relationship advice Cars Transportation Gross Family Neighbours Lonely

The Top

Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 693

Today, I handed in my resignation letter after over three and a half years working at the company. My manager is angry with me, since we returned from an overseas business trip yesterday, and why didn't I inform her before the trip. She now wants me to pay all costs of trip before leaving the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 016

You deserved it 1 217

The Top

Today, I asked my mom why she drinks. She said she only drinks when she's depressed. My step-dad said she only drinks on the weekend. Those are the days I'm at her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 072

You deserved it 2 758

Today, I mentioned on Facebook that I'll be out of town over the weekend, because I am attending my grandmother's funeral. I soon got comments saying "Pics or it didn't happen" and "Killed her for the inheritance, eh?" followed by a solitary "LOLLL". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 906

You deserved it 5 647

Today, my girlfriend of a year exclaimed "Oh my god!" for the first time during sex. Nope, I haven't improved in bed, I recently moved a TV into my room and something exciting happened on the show she was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 469

You deserved it 13 730

Today, I was taking medicine for my sinus problems and trying to write an essay. I got most of the way done, then unexpectedly fell asleep on my keyboard. When I woke up, my face was wet. I drowned my laptop in my drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 254

You deserved it 6 359

Today, my patient was ready to tip over, so I called out for help, but the other nurse didn't even look up from her computer. A tech had to rush over from the end of the room. Is it bad that I wanted to tell the nurse she needs to effing retire? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 72

Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 334

You deserved it 2 577