Love: Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight....

By wowzer - 28/08/2014 19:58 - Puerto Rico - Gurabo

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 367

You deserved it 3 626

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Chaznuts - 08/09/2009 06:22 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 534

You deserved it 5 202

By OMFG I LOVE MLP - 24/08/2012 21:00 - Germany - Mainz

Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 928

You deserved it 3 791

Generation III

By Brock - 02/02/2013 21:20 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 766

You deserved it 39 238

If you can't handle me at my worst…

By Anonymous - 01/05/2022 00:01

Today, my date got a cold before our date and accidentally took medicine that makes you drowsy before we went out. Two glasses of red later to calm her nerves, she yelled at a waiter, threw her shoe at the chef, then passed out on the table. I’m going to marry this girl, just you watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 300

By Anonymous - 19/07/2013 20:57 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 795

You deserved it 4 813

By ak. - 02/03/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 691

You deserved it 11 367

Karaoke Dinner Disaster

By Jonathan Park - 05/03/2020 09:06 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I went on a first date. She got plastered within the first hour, then a song came on in the restaurant and she told me, "This song's about meeeeee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 163

By sandyhome - 11/04/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 763

You deserved it 6 272

Impressive!

By ol faithful - 03/09/2011 09:24 - Canada

Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 909

You deserved it 41 891

He's a keeper

By Anonymous - 19/12/2022 15:00

Today, I went on a first date. He got so drunk he forgot what he ordered to eat ten minutes after ordering. He also had to text me later to ask if we kissed, because he couldn’t remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 124

Liamj774 36

Friday 29 August 2014 5:30

She sure sounds like a keeper

Earths_Venus 25

Friday 29 August 2014 5:36

'Check please' or 'check if she's still breathing please'?

Comments

ChildrenOfFilth 12

Friday 29 August 2014 7:05

Next time go to a bar or club with her. Make it fun. Not embarrassing.

yerawizardlizzy 27

Friday 29 August 2014 18:02

So she could just get drunk and pass out again, but in a different location? Still embarrassing.

Druu 53

Friday 29 August 2014 7:33

Well, seeing as a blueberry and blackberry look nothing alike, a black blueberry makes at least a bit of sense.

PerditaDessa 38

Friday 29 August 2014 7:53

I know a lad who gets drunk off a half a bottle of Mike's hard so if you don't want her we can set them up. Things in common and all that.

noah_1234 24

Friday 29 August 2014 8:31

that must've been one hell of a night for you

shaunr40k 20

Friday 29 August 2014 9:49

Sounds like someone's getting lucky

yerawizardlizzy 27

Friday 29 August 2014 18:04

Yeah, OP! Who doesn't want to be a rapist?!

ironhead_fml 20

Friday 29 August 2014 10:35

You lucky dog!

xaru 21

Friday 29 August 2014 10:38

Sooooooooo…did you have sex?

j_cat187 19

Friday 29 August 2014 17:37

rape?

yerawizardlizzy 27

Friday 29 August 2014 18:05

You're scum if you think it's okay to take advantage of a girl like that. (Or anyone in that situation)

Frostillicus123 10

Friday 29 August 2014 11:03

I've dated her, ort her trashy counter part. you'll want to exit stage right asap.

mld4657 28

Friday 29 August 2014 13:41

I... just... um all I can think of is the line from wonka, I've got a blueberry for a daughter...

blueknight1st 26

Friday 29 August 2014 14:19

This happened to me once. I lifted her head placed a $20 under it and left. I can tolerate drinking but when it goes from drinking to drunk I'm out. I don't waste my time on alcoholics.