Intimacy: Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching...

By DisgustinglyFrustrated - 10/10/2013 15:40 - Argentina - Rosario

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 243

You deserved it 18 017

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Same thing different taste

Easily scared

By Anonymous - 17/02/2022 17:59 - France

Today, I was having some sexy time with my boyfriend, when suddenly he jumped out of the bed, screaming. Not having my glasses on, it took me few seconds to understand that a voyeurist cockroach was in the bed with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 163

By Diogo Filipe de Almeida - 29/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 109

You deserved it 2 854

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 015

You deserved it 2 642

By all5fingers - 08/09/2011 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 618

You deserved it 3 243

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 822

You deserved it 287

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 226

You deserved it 3 295

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 949

You deserved it 4 785

By mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 422

You deserved it 4 372

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 575

You deserved it 2 139

By cockroach - 27/09/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 321

You deserved it 16 745

GwennaRose 22

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:28

Maybe the cockroach just wanted to get in on the action

Welshite 39

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:29

Threesome? Oh god, that was a horrible image. *throws up*

Comments

ComoEsJuan 24

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:32

Because it's a cockroach, duh!

Faddyy6 17

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:32

this would have ****** your mood rather than ******* your boy freind

imbedderdenu 23

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:32

ew!

olpally 32

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:33

That's the worst thing ever to happen during masturbating. Kill it with fire!

mFUNdo21 17

Friday 11 October 2013 7:55

she wasn't masturbating. she was "molesting" herself

ndomer 6

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:33

Your boyfriend's wasn't the only kind of **** that wanted in on the action

micha090 21

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:34

Are you into beasteality OP :-P

frizz101 22

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:40

No, is bugstiallity.

flockz 19

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:56

nope, cocktilality.

TheOrangeProon 13

Thursday 10 October 2013 20:00

Can we all agree to stop here?

Welshite 39

Thursday 10 October 2013 20:03

At least it's not insectual.

Pleonasm 35

Thursday 10 October 2013 20:06

Was it safe sex? You know those exoskeletons don't work 100%.

yukumariooo 11

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:34

Can I throw up now?

False_Stupidity 41

Thursday 10 October 2013 23:06

Yes, you have my permission to throw up.

whitetiger13131 26

Friday 11 October 2013 5:13

mine as well, if that helps

Ksweety_fml 27

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:34

That's why it's call cockroach, because it loves ****.!

j_cat187 19

Friday 11 October 2013 1:42

So I'm guessing you skipped anatomy?

anitriarose 5

Friday 11 October 2013 5:02

and Language Arts?

j_cat187 19

Friday 11 October 2013 5:48

Ain't nobody got time for that shit. I'll stick with the maths.

worldclassrager 39

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:34

Oh good lord...time to can an exterminator...

snugglesMcGee199 23

Friday 11 October 2013 1:39

I don't think that's going to help with a bug infestation.

prinncess00 16

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:36

I would have screamed and scrubbed every crevice until bleeding.

Keywords

Public freakouts Education Parents Mother in law Love AITA Miscellaneous Argument Fear Insects Skincare Health Cats Jealousy Gross Coworkers Work Drugs Animals Dogs Fire Awkward Cars Money Scams Transportation Scary Bikes Neighbours Intimacy

The Top

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 269

You deserved it 19 596

Today, my ex asked me to return a sweater he'd gifted me back in the day. He didn’t even thank me, just said he’d catch me at lunch but never did. Work was tedious yet even then I didn’t leave without shooting him a goodbye text, only for him to say, “Oh my bad, I already left.” I still love him but it’s clearly one-sided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 588

The Top

Today, my mother told me that for a period when I was a baby, every night she stood over my crib with a bottle of bourbon and a gun, convincing herself not to shoot me for ruining her life by being born when she was only 18. I wish I could be more like my siblings, who don't visit her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 101

You deserved it 139

Today, my mom, not gifted for household chores, proudly announced that she cleaned the toilet. As it turns out, what she'd primarily cleaned was the deodorizer inside the toilet. Then she tried for the stains inside the bowl, unsuccessfully, then she gave up. But yeah, great job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 89

Today, I asked my boyfriend to go to the airport with me, to see me off for my three-month stay abroad. He said no because the two-hour drive is "too boring". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 633

You deserved it 2 562

Today, my dad texted me while I was in school saying, "Your cat vomited. Covered it up with a bowl so you can clean it when you come home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 514

You deserved it 7 711

Today, after being without my car keys for two days, I finally got a locksmith to unlock my car on the off chance I'd left my keys in there. $170 later, the car was open, but I didn't find my keys. Frustrated, I threw the paperwork in the garbage... where I spotted my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 675

You deserved it 1 991

Today, I was lining a soccer field. I had the entire grid laid out, so I began to paint with a handheld cart. I finished the entire field without looking back once. I forgot to put paint in the cart. I walked around a field for an hour painting with air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 162

You deserved it 64 987

Same thing different taste

Easily scared

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