Health: Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely...

By arse of fire :( - 23/02/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 118

You deserved it 3 879

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Same thing different taste

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 110

You deserved it 4 851

By BatBee - 03/08/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 350

You deserved it 1 519

Shit for brains

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 635

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 18:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 177

You deserved it 4 208

Fools rush in

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 10:00 - United States - Utica

Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 145

Put the booze down

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 14:01

Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 2 057

Party animal

By Laci - 30/04/2011 17:50 - United States

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 920

You deserved it 23 214

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 02/11/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 272

You deserved it 299

Confinement, episode 3774

By S3XY_SiNG3R - 11/04/2020 02:00

Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 2 046

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 285

You deserved it 7 523

superxmario91 11

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

use his favorite shirts!!

LostThePlot 3

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Your husband has a pretty terrible sense of humour.

Comments

Tempest151 11

Saturday 23 February 2013 9:46

It's an expensive way of life to supply a woman with a lifetime supply of toilet paper. He was teaching you a lesson.

Wizardo 33

Saturday 23 February 2013 9:58

Bust out some mad origami skills, train your brain whilst wiping your ass!

angelofsaturn 23

Saturday 23 February 2013 10:24

just patiently wait. he's gonna be stuck at home one day with no TP and then you can spend the day pampering yourself with no rush to get home. but seriously i'd just use a washcloth because the shit will turn to damn near water at some point. bonus points if you use his washcloth.

TheBun118 8

Saturday 23 February 2013 13:47

#50 and #55 have the right idea but why wait for him to have explosive diarrhea, thats what laxatives are for! >:-D MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

DisCreation 14

Saturday 23 February 2013 11:32

you never told her husband he's not very funny...

leelafry 16

Saturday 23 February 2013 11:50

I think #50 has the right idea...but you can help by saving the empty tube and then replace the full one with the empty one at a time you KNOW he'll be "doing his business." Either that or hide the new one after you get it. Sorry for your SITuation, OP.

shadevil75 6

Saturday 23 February 2013 12:23

Wipe your ass with his pillowcase so he can truly understand the meaning of the word "shitfaced".

protoskore 27

Saturday 23 February 2013 13:55

lock the front door, leave the key in the lock so it can't be unlocked from outside. Then we he gets home, yell to him that you're stuck in the toilet with no paper and can't come to the door to let him in. In the mean time, a bucket of warm soapy water and some clean rags can work wonders.