Kids: Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess...

By argfarblewarblearble - 07/08/2015 13:49 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 888

You deserved it 2 328

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By ohhhgross - 26/10/2009 18:32 - Singapore

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 263

You deserved it 5 339

By ouch - 03/01/2011 00:36 - United States

Today, I took a nap on the couch in the family room. My brother thought it would be hilarious to take clear packaging tape and put it on my chapped lips. Then rip it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 627

You deserved it 2 981

By mr.palendrome - 06/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 429

You deserved it 28 099

By Picky - 06/07/2017 14:58

Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 060

You deserved it 369

Terrible prank

By Malakai - 02/02/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, while I was in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been Facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 843

You deserved it 8 473

By sleepysophie - 19/10/2013 15:04 - United States - Helena

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 599

You deserved it 5 561

Spice

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 956

By Anonymous - 03/10/2015 10:57 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 204

You deserved it 2 317

By wtf - 30/01/2015 09:00 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 586

You deserved it 2 640

By Grrr - 20/07/2012 07:58 - United States - Salem

Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 374

You deserved it 2 077

beaglegal 42

Saturday 8 August 2015 0:04

Toe no!

chaseafterwind82 29

Saturday 8 August 2015 0:12

'And that was what started the terrible conflict known as the Great Prank War of 2015.'

Comments

UncleCaitlyn 21

Saturday 8 August 2015 3:16

For revenge put pubes in his food

clickme 17

Saturday 8 August 2015 4:23

Oh.....My.....God! That is so ******* disgusting. FYL for sure OP.

FalloutScrolls 25

Saturday 8 August 2015 4:24

It's August. As revenge, I suggest you nominate him for the ALS Ice Bucket Ambush.

cornyrob 33

Saturday 8 August 2015 4:25

argfarglewashes -- Slartibartfast

JKPwnage 27

Saturday 8 August 2015 4:27

Your brother's ****** up.

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 8 August 2015 4:35

Is your brother the spawn of satan?

daddysgirl8 21

Saturday 8 August 2015 5:54

Why did I think he was going to put his dick in your mouth?

sosogross 16

Saturday 8 August 2015 6:36

Sounds like just the type of thing my little brother would do. I feel you, OP...

messymessiah 11

Saturday 8 August 2015 8:15

Ah brothers. Don't you love 'em?

GamerPerson 19

Saturday 8 August 2015 10:38

That's ******* gross! I hoped you punched at asshole in his face!

Keywords

Gamers Annoying Video games Abuse Birthday Relatable Scams Social Media Money Kids School Education Parents Public freakouts Health Mental health Grieving Geek Music Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Transportation Cops Fight Family Work Gross Customers

The Top

Today, I was at the hairdresser's getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 027

You deserved it 3 364

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line told me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I had a headache, my legs were stiff, and my date must've thought I stood her up. The tech finally arrived, pries the door open, then rudely asked, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 451

You deserved it 3 567

The Top

Today, I borrowed my adopted mom's laptop and found out that either her, my dad, or both of them, have been trying to research legal ways of un-adopting me and giving me back to the foster care system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 103

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. Twenty minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 055

You deserved it 7 261

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend's female best friend that they have been dating for the last month. This was the week of our one year anniversary, and my birthday. We just moved into a duplex with my name on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 161

You deserved it 313

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 293

You deserved it 56 552

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 001

You deserved it 8 039

Today, my anus has given up the ghost. Now if I vomit, have a violent coughing fit, or orgasm too intensely, I will shit myself. Even if I have absolutely no gas or need to go. I'm scared to leave the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 117

Same thing different taste

Terrible prank

Spice

Top comments

Comments