Animals: Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch,...

By BadBreath - 09/04/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 670

You deserved it 9 391

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Same thing different taste

By FrozenAnonymus - 14/07/2016 18:05 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 851

You deserved it 1 520

By Noname - 02/02/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 810

You deserved it 7 058

Blame the pooch

By anamota89 - 11/05/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 337

You deserved it 32 285

By aaalias34 - 26/02/2010 11:13 - United States

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 986

You deserved it 8 455

By frenchpop1960 - 23/02/2009 21:58 - United States

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 371

You deserved it 41 844

By Keyser Soze - 17/01/2017 09:56

Today, I was cleaning out the cabinets under my kitchen sink and I farted with such force that my dog thought someone was knocking at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 648

You deserved it 1 021

Vicious dog

By onefmlafteranother - 15/11/2019 01:00

Today, I was laying my head on my dad's dog when he walked in. I jokingly asked my dad, "I'm cuddling with your dog, are you jealous?" At that moment, the dog lets a massive, earth-quaking fart and my dad promptly responded, "Nope!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 581

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 15:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 143

Alarm

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 14:26 - United States

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 583

You deserved it 4 008

By Swabidizop - 18/05/2015 20:40 - United States - Greeley

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 043

You deserved it 8 048

Jaxro 6

Thursday 9 April 2009 12:13

And why was your dog's ass in your face? You would think it would be facing you, maybe licking your face.

Kimienxtc 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 12:13

Awww Your dog loves you! :)

Comments

DanMan12 0

Tuesday 18 January 2011 7:46

EWW! Man that musta been stinky.

missbrittanybree 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 9:24

remind me again why your face was in your dogs butt...

THOMASisMYname 8

Wednesday 6 July 2011 9:34

um why was the dogs ass aiming at your mouth? I'm sorry but thats just nasty and i'm clicking the 'you deserved it' button for sure :S

asherah14 7

Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:17

Why in the world was your dogs butt in your face? That's beyond disgusting. You need help.

StromyG2 10

Tuesday 1 November 2011 20:35

ok so... how did it happen twice?

3peeps 5

Monday 9 January 2012 1:26

eww why was ur but near ur dogs face? maybe u should be more wary of his back end next time

subwoofa 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 8:02

Must love dogs :P

TurkeySlab 9

Monday 12 November 2012 6:44

Why are you hugging its ass?

FRB 8

Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:36

Why was your mouth openly facing his anus?

WinterBlue42 22

Monday 8 September 2014 6:31

Every comment is asking this, but I doubt in all actuality any of us really want to know. .

shannon2348 14

Sunday 12 January 2020 5:49

Wait. The only way that could happen was if your mouth was on his asshole. ydi

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The Top

Today. I realized my dad is a little bit too rock n roll when he got into a pushing and shoving match with a married couple, who was making comments about how my dad’s leather jacket and ripped jeans weren’t “appropriate.” To be fair, they started it, but this was a parent night at a high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 81

Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 280

The Top

Today, despite not having noisy kids, barking dogs or do I play loud music, yet apparently I still cause enough noise by walking around and watching TV that the neighbours called the cops with a noise complaint. The cops actually came. Since when is living quietly in my own home a police matter? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 110

Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 721

You deserved it 34 060

Today, several of my apartment complex neighbors walked right by me as I struggled to clean the inches thick, icy snow off of my SUV. I’m 4’11. Not one person offered to assist me, even after I slipped and fell several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 2 277

Today, I invited a friend over and showed him my collectible action figures. He also collects the ones I do. There was this one particular rare one I own, and he was quite fascinated by it. It mysteriously vanished after he went home. He claims to know nothing about it, and got pissed for accusing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 134

Today, my friend was complaining about how fat she was. To make her feel better I said, "Psh, you're not fat! In fact we're about the same weight!" She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears sobbing, "I'm fat! I'm fat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 714

You deserved it 10 583

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 274

You deserved it 7 882