Love: Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie....

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 20:13 - Canada - Pierrefonds

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 626

You deserved it 3 529

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Same thing different taste

Bad omen

By pupitre - 18/10/2011 00:16 - Canada

Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 486

You deserved it 4 951

By joking0303 - 16/07/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 130

You deserved it 6 461

By kill the audience - 10/11/2016 17:51 - United States - Lewes

Today, I was sitting in the restaurant waiting for my blind date to come. I had sat for an hour until I finally got fed up and went to leave when at the same time the guy at the table next to me stood up to leave too. I noticed he had been sitting alone. Turns out he was my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 453

You deserved it 2 014

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 23:22 - United States

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 378

You deserved it 4 317

Take the W

By FML - 18/01/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said, "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is that low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 760

You deserved it 4 773

By sadness - 12/10/2012 02:48 - United States - Metairie

Today, the guy I'm dating came into the same restaurant where I was eating. He was with a girl. He sat at the table next to mine and didn't even bother to say, "Hi." I guess I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 399

You deserved it 2 278

Grab the balls by the horn, dude

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 18:00

Today, the only girl I've ever had eyes for said she can't find any good single men, all while sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 544

By ug - 08/07/2009 20:51 - Canada

Today, my crush took me out to lunch. When the waiter came for our orders he ordered onoin rings and looks at me and says, "I won't be kissing anyone tonight anyways." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 736

You deserved it 4 548

First Dates

By mildver - 20/04/2009 04:51 - Costa Rica

Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes, she said with a sigh of relief, "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 677

You deserved it 4 602

By yum. - 10/04/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, I went out to eat with some friends. They picked a table that wasn't big enough for all of us. I had to sit in the booth behind them. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 418

You deserved it 4 742

MissEmma_fml 22

Wednesday 8 August 2012 0:32

Forever alone.

DocBastard 38

Wednesday 8 August 2012 0:32

You didn't look far enough. The real love of your life is the buffet across the room. Send me an invitation to the wedding.

Comments

doublexiao 7

Wednesday 8 August 2012 4:11

lol,funny

notepie 6

Wednesday 8 August 2012 4:22

Just your luck!!!

cashflow94 0

Wednesday 8 August 2012 4:34

El Em Ef A O

suckitupidc 1

Wednesday 8 August 2012 4:48

forever alone

oliviasmilez 0

Wednesday 8 August 2012 4:50

Don't worry you couldn't see them!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡

birdcagereligion 10

Wednesday 8 August 2012 5:16

Are you in love with the chair?

HeartOfLead 24

Wednesday 8 August 2012 5:41

The chef across the room from you is probably said you didn't get the message...

Akerra89 14

Wednesday 8 August 2012 5:44

Keep looking. You'll find the love soon enough. Patience is a virtue

nastyboyangelo 0

Wednesday 8 August 2012 5:52

what about the food?

EgyptianPride98 8

Wednesday 8 August 2012 6:01

DON'T YOU GET IT?!?!?!?! THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE IS A NINJA! Honey, a lot of people would kill to be in your position (including me) :P

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The Top

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 271

You deserved it 19 596

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 142

You deserved it 11 901

The Top

Today, I found out that I’m not the father of my “son” but I'm his uncle. The only thing my wife did was to shrug and say, “Shit happens.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 88

Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 736

You deserved it 3 764

Today, my husband had a colonoscopy. Having spent yesterday hearing him complain about having only clear liquids and having to drink the required solution, he still was not cleaned out. We have to reschedule with two days of clear liquids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 98

Today, I woke up from my wisdom tooth surgery… while they were still sawing my jaw. I had such a bad panic response that they also cut my lip, so I have stitches inside and outside of my mouth, as well as the haunting crackle of bone being removed from my skull stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 79

Today, I wanted quiet time, so I decided to go out for a walk in the dark. It was cold, so I made a mess of my room trying to find my favourite hat. When I got back home, I was greeted by my mother in tears with cries of, "Oh thank god you're back!" She thought I'd run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 103

You deserved it 1 155

Today, I realised that my social anxiety, fear of people's judgment, social isolation, you name it, have got so bad that I literally have no interests. It got to such a point that I even have nothing to search up in the internet, so I just stare at an empty browser page wondering what should I do with my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 193