Animals: Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers....

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 05:55 - United States - Truckee

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 397

You deserved it 5 429

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Same thing different taste

By Thanks - 27/11/2009 23:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 320

You deserved it 49 560

By Soaked - 20/05/2010 15:20 - United States

Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 396

You deserved it 4 692

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 14:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 060

You deserved it 3 113

By steve - 23/12/2011 03:02 - United States

Today, I ran full speed into a brick wall because I saw a tiger. On the other side of a zoo cage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 437

You deserved it 35 833

By Js2cool - 29/09/2015 02:32 - United States - Fitchburg

Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 080

You deserved it 7 114

By foojew93 - 09/08/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 303

You deserved it 3 819

By shando - 08/11/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spit directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 579

You deserved it 3 575

By Someone - 16/04/2014 00:20 - Canada - Windsor

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 045

You deserved it 5 818

By gbabyy - 22/11/2009 03:25 - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 744

You deserved it 6 889

By littlespoon - 04/02/2010 08:40 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 453

You deserved it 3 561

HrothgarXII 21

Friday 21 August 2015 17:03

As much as that sucks, you gotta admit, that's pretty impressive.

natheitz 23

Friday 21 August 2015 17:01

They're GREAT

Comments

LegionRapier61 8

Saturday 22 August 2015 0:24

I hate to inform you, but it's no longer "your daughter" she belongs to the tiger now. He claimed her... R Kelly style.

Yastafari 16

Saturday 22 August 2015 0:58

Today, my mom took me to the zoo because I love tigers. But not anymore, not after Tony peed on me. FML

alioni 12

Saturday 22 August 2015 1:35

Well she's marked and theirs now, sorry for your loss

joshi42 16

Saturday 22 August 2015 3:05

Never take a piss out of tiger.

AcieMcG 21

Saturday 22 August 2015 3:20

Haha I was about to post that.

sillygirl247 14

Saturday 22 August 2015 4:21

Well hate to tell you this but that's not your daughter anymore. That lion marked his territory.

cheshireau 26

Saturday 22 August 2015 4:47

Don't the have glass on the enclosure? We do in Australia.

Silverfeathery 21

Saturday 22 August 2015 5:38

My pet rabbit sprays. Welcome to my little slice of hell.

Scorpio01 16

Saturday 22 August 2015 5:41

Tiger was showing domination

idk_rose 25

Saturday 22 August 2015 6:01

to the favorites you go!

Keywords

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Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 270

Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 564

You deserved it 2 470

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I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 116

Today, out of pure boredom, I decided to listen to the soundtrack from a musical. When I got to the love song, I thought about my anxiety and where I stood with this one guy, and ended up crying to myself. The musical was Jesus Christ Superstar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 265

Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 197

You deserved it 3 317

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street, about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 854

You deserved it 3 022

Today, I was on a roller coaster and this 13 year old sitting next to me was completely terrified. To cheer him up, I threw my hands in the air. While my hands were up, we hit a curve and I elbowed him in the face, making him cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 823

You deserved it 15 830

Today, I was sick and had soccer trials on the same day. At the soccer trials, the coach called me over and told me I was doing really good and to keep it up. I said thanks and vomited on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 098

You deserved it 3 357

Same thing different taste

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