Work: Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting...

By picklet - 12/05/2012 14:36 - Malaysia - Kajang

Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting was an in-depth analysis of the phrase, "Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate". I have a 5 year contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 146

You deserved it 4 532

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Same thing different taste

Bad omen

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 05:04 - United States - Kenosha

Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 539

You deserved it 1 916

End of the road

By Anonymous - 02/04/2021 21:30

Today, I landed my dream job with an international company. I figured I could work this until retirement, only to find out they hired me to shut down operations in my market. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 75

By Username - 19/05/2011 15:13

Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 80 618

Time to move on

By mischalucksux - 19/09/2016 13:54 - United States

Today, I finally have a job I love with amazing people I call family and a fantastic boss. I've been here 8 months, and I'm doing a great job, I feel like I could work here forever! My most recent project? Printing our "Store closing sale" signs for liquidation. We permanently close in 7 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 873

You deserved it 1 077

By Not a programmer yet - 01/09/2015 15:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss told me that the company will be hiring a programmer for our department. I had the idea for the position when we went over my 3-year career path last month, but it wasn't approved. I now get to look over résumés from other people applying for my dream job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 723

You deserved it 1 611

Now hiring

By BossLady - 05/01/2022 08:01

Today, it's my first day as the boss, after waiting months for this promotion. Today is also the day my replacement, who I trained for three months, quit. Now I've got two jobs for the price of one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 110

By smellslikeahangover - 29/07/2015 02:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while waiting for an interview at the career that I've been spending months tailoring my résumé for, I was thrown up on by my only competitor. Guess who got the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 827

You deserved it 1 824

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 05:03 - United States

Today, I started the internship of my dreams. The company has nothing for me to do, so I sit and stare at the clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 109

Cutting corners

By givemestrength - 14/08/2014 10:31 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss expects me to conduct a meeting with a client, give him all the info he needs, and manage his campaign. This is because he fired the "expensive" marketing director and wants me, the intern, to continue his work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 513

You deserved it 3 278

**** those guys

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 20:00

Today, I went into work with the mentality that all of my ass-busting work was going to result in me finally being promoted to manager. We had a site meeting. The entire building is being laid off because Apple cut our contract. Yay, I'm out of a job. I hate Apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 146

You deserved it 223

tellithowitis 13

Saturday 12 May 2012 20:01

Don't potate appreciate

ghostlilac 25

Saturday 12 May 2012 20:02

Why are you complaining? That's awesome!

Comments

failmaster069 7

Sunday 13 May 2012 20:50

That sounds ******* awesome! I'll trade you jobs

CharliesCool2084 8

Sunday 13 May 2012 22:15

I think it sounds quite fun.

96skeeter 6

Monday 14 May 2012 3:28

Suck it up that's awesome!

mrcool4847 10

Monday 14 May 2012 4:02

Why is this bad exactly??

ohSNAPyall 26

Monday 14 May 2012 5:00

Don't settle for any half-baked ideas.

mattorama 15

Monday 14 May 2012 9:53

Haters gonna hate, OP gonna exacerbate.

Arlisshsr 9

Monday 14 May 2012 18:58

Trollers gonna troll

albsure23 3

Monday 14 May 2012 22:18

Amazing! Best slogan of all time!

arandomthot5 1

Tuesday 15 May 2012 3:51

Waiters gunna wait, alligators gunna aligate

saidawhiting 14

Wednesday 16 May 2012 3:55

Crocodiles gonna crocodoc.

wowthatissad 9

Wednesday 16 May 2012 22:51

Cougars gonna coug

Keywords

Kids Art Health Birthday Covid Relatable Transportation Awkward Cars Love Poopoo peepee Gross Family Intimacy Sex Neighbours Lonely Dreams Work Management Jealousy Mental health Relationship advice Miscellaneous Friends Abuse Parents Healthy Lifestyle Food Ironic

The Top

Today, I was supposed to be working from home. Instead, I ended up taking the kids out to the park for the morning, because my wife “couldn’t even” today. When we got home, she had demolished two bottles of wine, and was masturbating to a home improvement show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 984

You deserved it 312

Today, on my friend's birthday, I met a guy I really liked at a club, and he asked me to go home with him. At 2 a.m., my friend called but I missed her calls. When I woke up, she'd texted me pictures of all my things that I had at her place thrown outside in the snow. All because I didn’t go home with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 1 204

The Top

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 615

You deserved it 9 660

Today, my mom and I had to shovel our driveway after an epic snowstorm that left us with 22 inches of snow. We only needed to dig out my mom's car and not mine. After we did all that work and shoveled all the snow onto the side where my car was we found out my mom had a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 961

You deserved it 3 348

Today, my doctor put me on a new medication that came with the warning to stay out of the sun. I live in the desert and my country is having the highest temperatures recorded ever in human history. Guess I should stock up on white, long sleeve shirts. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 114

Today, I'm 25 years old, I've got an education and I only now found out in front of 15 people that, no, sparrows are not small pigeons that are going to grow up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 706

You deserved it 38 472

Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 712

You deserved it 9 746

Today, I keep getting prank calls from unknown numbers. They keep making fun of my dog’s death, calling me a fat and stupid loser who can’t get laid, and making sexual moaning noises. I can’t block “Unknown” numbers. It got so overwhelming that I broke down in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 141