Work: Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on...

By Andrew - 28/08/2011 22:37 - Ireland

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 338

You deserved it 8 612

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Same thing different taste

Lawman

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my boss in my police department told me to start enforcing the "No bikes on sidewalks" law, which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with Down's syndrome, who was so upset he cried and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 579

You deserved it 14 597

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 14:13 - United States

Today, as I was riding my bike, I saw a bunch of cute guys checking me out. Not paying attention, I then ran into a parked police car. Besides getting laughed at, I got a ticket for damaging police property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 439

You deserved it 31 020

BIKES!

By cwell88 - 21/06/2015 13:29

Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen, so I went to work. On my walk to work, a girl pulls up on my bike and says I needed to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. She hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass before police surrounded me and accused me of stealing my own bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 764

You deserved it 1 776

By TooFast - 21/07/2019 02:00 - Australia - Mount Druitt

Today, after being promised a job and attending five full days of training and induction for a job as a bicycle delivery officer, I was denied the job at the very end of the last day for, "riding my bicycle too quickly on the road." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 171

By Chelsea - 27/02/2013 22:39 - United States - Aurora

Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 968

You deserved it 2 663

By RichardPencil - 07/10/2016 10:32 - United States

Today, I thought everyone was smiling at me because they liked my "skateboarding behind a police motorcycle" prank. Turns out, they all saw the open sewer manhole 10 metres ahead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 242

By PC Jones - 20/09/2011 14:56 - Australia

Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 451

You deserved it 3 214

BIKES!?

By Emily - 06/07/2011 08:33 - Australia

Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 695

You deserved it 12 275

By Anonymous - 13/09/2017 20:00

Today, it's been two weeks since I honked, screamed, and cussed at a cyclist on the road. Since then, my car has been keyed, my tires have been slashed, bricks have been thrown at my windows, and my number has been put on Craigslist as a gay prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 461

You deserved it 5 950

Inappropriate laughter

By josie345 - 25/08/2011 02:07 - United States

Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said, "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 157

You deserved it 27 306

Kyuubi1589 1

Monday 29 August 2011 8:48

Do the wheelie. Show em' who's boss!

iAmScrubs 19

Monday 29 August 2011 8:49

Bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when my bike chain break loose?

Comments

xXkingmikeXx 5

Tuesday 30 August 2011 2:11

Well it shows who's british

slicklol 7

Tuesday 30 August 2011 2:56

Here in Portugal if a youth were to call a police officer that to his face he'd end up with a nice beating/spend some time in jail :)

misshighjinks 5

Tuesday 30 August 2011 3:30

Are you in England or something? Because they could have said much worse and that sounds like british slang...

MrSmOkEwEeD451 2

Thursday 12 April 2012 22:33

Look at the top hes Irish

NBS93 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 3:32

I love British slang.

NinjaStar999 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 3:40

Your fault for being a cop lol. No do a wheelie on their ghetto asses

deviable 9

Tuesday 30 August 2011 3:57

Can't you fine them for insulting a police officer?

krakadilian 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 4:24

**** you, dumb cop u should expect that

stevieb123 7

Tuesday 30 August 2011 4:29

Lol not cool. ?

queenb1621 21

Tuesday 30 August 2011 5:24

That was you sorry man... I was just doing what they told me to do...

crokid720 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 5:55

U should have pulled out ur gun

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The Top

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 650

You deserved it 297

Today, we were supposed to go on a weekend camping trip with our Scout troop. On Thursday I wasn't feeling well but I made it through school okay. Dad forced me to pack up immediately after school, even though I felt worse. I threw up on the porch on the way out. Dad thinks I did this on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 51

The Top

Today, I was at Starbucks after having a rough day. The old man beside me was talking to his friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me and say, "See that beautiful girl over there?" Flattered, I listened closer… until he finished his statement with, "She's gonna die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 204

You deserved it 2 418

Today, and for the past couple of months, I've been feeling really down. A few days ago, I met a girl from Germany, we made out, and I started reading her favorite book. I learned earlier today that she'd gone back to Germany and forgot to tell me. I’ve been waiting all day to see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 141

Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 204

You deserved it 3 165

Today, my boyfriend bought us three kittens. Today, I also discovered that I am allergic to cats. My boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted the cats more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 787

You deserved it 4 343

Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 374

You deserved it 3 674

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 085

You deserved it 40 673