please get help and get better

Another answer that's better than suicide: Sex toys! They're cheaper than guns (except maybe the diesel-powered Anal Dominator 4000, butt you're probably not in the market for one of those quite yet. Besides, it's difficult to get a bank to give you a loan for one of those;))

might make your husband happy.

As an aside, I am very impressed by the out pouring of support for this OP.

Find help for yourself! You deserve to be happy and healthy. Don't suffer alone.

i do the same thing, altho i havent had sex yet, so i couldnt tell you about that. its pretty hard, i know. this weekend i was out with friends, and i was fantasizing about my suicide the whole time. luckily my friend figured it out and made sure to stay between me and the road the whole night. id suggest you talk to your husband about it, he'll surely help you. good luck OP, and im always here to talk if you need it :)

Maybe you should. Your husband might be into necrophilia.

you might want to consider going to the ER hospital with a psych unit for voluntary admissions. just make sure that wherever you go is nonprofit. I went to the ER with suicidal ideations several years ago and it was the best decision I ever made. it was also the most difficult because I always feared losing my mind and saw that as admitting that I lost my mind. I have improved significantly since then and owe it to the treatment I sought.

not to be mean or anything disrespectful but you need to get some professional help suicide isn't the way out.

OP - depression is an insideous condition. The thoughts of hopelessness and despair loom over you and destroy logic and rational thought. You don't feel as though things can get better, and in fact you are certain they won't. I have been through this and I am certain that most people have this feeling at one time or another in their lives. Most people do come out on the other side as better, stronger, more vibrant, caring, empathetic people. In all likrlihood you can, and will, too. You may need to change your life. You may need to leave your husband. You may need to get a job or a new job. You may need to move to be closer with your family. It won't be easy. You neef to take charge of your life because you cannot live like this forever. Find someone to lean on. The best way to help yourself is to help others. Give what you can of your time, love, and presence to those less fortunate than yourself and you can make a difference in your own life. Hug more. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Don't give up without a fight!