Intimacy: Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's...

By turdburger - 02/09/2009 05:56 - Australia

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 171

You deserved it 7 097

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Helseac - 17/12/2018 03:00

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 738

You deserved it 440

This is shit

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 790

You deserved it 6 570

By poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 862

You deserved it 5 656

It's not a competition, but still…

By Shooter71 - 16/10/2010 04:09 - France

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 261

You deserved it 3 815

By anonymous - 17/04/2012 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 918

You deserved it 7 466

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 111

You deserved it 4 851

Power moves

By Travis - 10/09/2021 22:59

Today, my wife told me that I take her breath away. However, she was talking about my large stomach hitting her while we have sex and knocking the wind out of her with every thrust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 1 189

By Anonymous - 08/07/2012 05:18 - United States - Seattle

Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 780

You deserved it 3 941

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 19:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 082

You deserved it 6 380

By noosher0990 - 18/02/2010 00:30

Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 933

You deserved it 2 767

dacho 7

Wednesday 2 September 2009 12:40

Try ******* her in the ass then.

Glam_fml 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 14:19

Sometimes taking a huge shit IS better than sex.

Comments

obama1234 0

Tuesday 15 September 2009 2:20

hahaha wtf i do that too!!!

VegHead13 0

Tuesday 15 September 2009 3:01

Hello anal!

Shreader42 0

Sunday 27 September 2009 6:30

this is a sign. tap the ass.

kitterkateee 0

Monday 28 September 2009 22:35

ha, looks like your wife likes it up the ass.

valmont_fml 0

Thursday 26 November 2009 4:15

Wow... no one seems to want to say anything substantial. In all seriousness, women don't always make lots of noise. It varies from person to person.

Toxikk_fml 0

Friday 4 December 2009 6:42

Lmao I told my friend this FML his response? "Omg same thing with my mom!"

clayton18 0

Thursday 24 December 2009 10:05

Then maybe you not to good at sex? O.o

kiss_of_death 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 19:21

Ydi for being a dud

samantha_durano 6

Thursday 4 February 2010 7:21

hahaha, oh my god that made my day:)

jordan75_fml 0

Wednesday 31 March 2010 1:42

why do you listin to your wife taking a dump?

Keywords

Growing old Mental health Relatable Health Embarrassing Periods Work Job interview Awkward Education Social Media Stalker Instagram Love Spiders Ironic Phobias Animals Transportation Bikes Ecology Parents Confused Kids Weird Drunk AITA Poopoo peepee Geek Facebook

The Top

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 090

You deserved it 18 232

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and I was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 762

You deserved it 15 564

The Top

Today, I finally found out my suspicions about my 12 year-old daughter were correct, and I don’t know which one is worse: She's had a boyfriend and has denied it for the last 3 months, or the fact that my partner thought it was a good idea to let it go on for this long without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 660

Today, I was violently sick. There was so much vomit forcing itself out that I dislocated my jaw. I continued throwing up with a dislocated jaw for an hour or so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 248

You deserved it 150

Today, as I passed a printout over my shoulder to my mum, I managed to give myself a papercut on my tear duct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 650

You deserved it 2 684

Today, after a lifetime of my mom being a huge gossip, even about her own kids, and lying about being the one spreading it around, my siblings and I have decided to stop telling my mom things. Now she lays these huge guilt trips on us, just because we don’t want the world to know our business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 89

Today, I’ve been married for seven years and am the mother of a little boy. My pregnant neighbor came to see me for name ideas for her own son that would go well with my son’s name, because “between half-brothers, it’s important”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 57

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 187

You deserved it 2 567

Same thing different taste

This is shit

It's not a competition, but still…

Power moves

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