Intimacy: Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's...

By turdburger - 02/09/2009 05:56 - Australia

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 171

You deserved it 7 096

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Helseac - 17/12/2018 03:00

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 738

You deserved it 440

This is shit

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 790

You deserved it 6 570

By poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 861

You deserved it 5 656

It's not a competition, but still…

By Shooter71 - 16/10/2010 04:09 - France

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 260

You deserved it 3 815

By anonymous - 17/04/2012 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 918

You deserved it 7 465

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 110

You deserved it 4 851

Power moves

By Travis - 10/09/2021 22:59

Today, my wife told me that I take her breath away. However, she was talking about my large stomach hitting her while we have sex and knocking the wind out of her with every thrust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 1 188

By Anonymous - 08/07/2012 05:18 - United States - Seattle

Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 780

You deserved it 3 941

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 19:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 082

You deserved it 6 380

By noosher0990 - 18/02/2010 00:30

Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 933

You deserved it 2 767

dacho 7

Wednesday 2 September 2009 12:40

Try ******* her in the ass then.

Glam_fml 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 14:19

Sometimes taking a huge shit IS better than sex.

Comments

BboyHero 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 15:14

you deserve it for being asian

blland 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 15:35

what?

visage 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 15:35

Well then! The beat advice I can give is stick it in the rear!

plexico 3

Wednesday 2 September 2009 16:09

Looks like you are going to need to invent the female blumpkin.

paigeee_x3 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 16:56

You deserve it for not ******* that bitch hard enough, you amateur ******.

magichateball 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 17:38

well isnt that pooper-duper!

skyeyez9 24

Wednesday 2 September 2009 18:35

Dropping a huge dump IS satisfying. sometimes better than sex.

305alive 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:49

sad part is she likes to take big dumps. kurplop

shootingstar8D 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 22:27

Hah u sickk man! Pick up some sex techniques

akkid17 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 22:53

maybe u should sack up and get the job done. oru could just complain about it on this website. also u listen to her ********, that's sick bud

FoundManyLemons 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 1:08

Try anal. Don't say why.

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The Top

Today, it's my birthday, and I had one to many and my best friend and my boyfriend had to take me home. We went back to my apartment and all squeezed together in my bed. During the night I got sick and spent the rest of the night on the bathroom floor. Later I found out that they'd fucked in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 365

Today, I was crying after a bad day at work. As I walked down the street, a young boy in a minivan tried to get my attention. He kept saying, "Hi, hi, please wave!" in a sad voice. When I politely waved at him, I saw a group of kids in the van giggling hysterically and taking pictures of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 285

You deserved it 285

The Top

Today, I planned a romantic dinner with rose petals, the whole lot, for my ex-girlfriend to win her back. When I took her to my house, I told her to guess what I had planned, to which she replied, "I hope it's not a stupid romantic dinner with rose petals and shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 006

You deserved it 15 010

Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 628

You deserved it 26 827

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I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 665

Today, I helped an elderly lady unscrew the cooling tank's cap from her smoking car. My reward? A scalding shower of toxic, pungent antifreeze that erupted moments after removing said cap. She didn't even thank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 845

You deserved it 18 817

Today, I got rear-ended. In possibly the scariest part of downtown. At night. By a man who spoke hardly any English but managed to ask if I would go out dancing with him instead of calling my insurance company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 047

You deserved it 2 542

Today, one of the kids I was babysitting had a severe peanut allergy, and he looked me dead in the eye as he ate a peanut bar before I could stop him. His sister swore up and down that I made him eat it. Guess who the parents believed, even after I rushed him to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 101

Same thing different taste

This is shit

It's not a competition, but still…

Power moves

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