Love: Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told...

By anonymous - 02/09/2012 22:31 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 481

You deserved it 7 364

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Same thing different taste

Tasty

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 20:00

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 280

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 20:20 - United States

Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 904

You deserved it 6 672

By allennn - 14/03/2010 14:56 - France

Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 923

You deserved it 38 531

By 0ptimu5 - 11/09/2009 04:39 - Australia

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 692

You deserved it 43 452

By alf - 27/10/2008 02:34 - France

Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 880

You deserved it 7 257

By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 06:02 - United States

Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 023

You deserved it 7 935

By soembarrassed - 02/08/2009 13:40 - Australia

Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 515

You deserved it 12 479

Party hard

By vcarder - 04/10/2013 20:25 - United States - Newton

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 977

You deserved it 43 171

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 659

You deserved it 9 503

Grossed out

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 14:00

Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 793

You deserved it 345

Futacy 29

Monday 3 September 2012 2:36

1 drink = 1 honest statement

flockz 19

Monday 3 September 2012 2:37

did you spoon her when you got back to her place? or was the vomit too much of a turn off?

Comments

Boob_fml 6

Monday 3 September 2012 8:24

Mama bird!

i8amarshmallow 1

Monday 3 September 2012 8:24

well that escalated quickly

phansmootchie 5

Monday 3 September 2012 8:27

this is what you call a "secret" and you take it to your grave...

xmaximusx 12

Monday 3 September 2012 8:29

Lmao thats awesome man, you propose the next morning?

randomkayx3 11

Monday 3 September 2012 8:32

Have a dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbit!

SuzyTurquoiseBlu 25

Monday 3 September 2012 8:38

I wouldn't let such a drunk stranger near me.

RinaOfTheDead 0

Monday 3 September 2012 8:57

Hey, free meal.

jdg_3689 0

Monday 3 September 2012 10:37

Just hit it and quit it! lol

RenZia777 3

Monday 3 September 2012 10:47

that is absolutely disgusting!!!!

mrsmaglietta 6

Monday 3 September 2012 13:00

gross.

Keywords

Love Dreams Jealousy Video games Geek Gamers Family AITA Kids Parents Animals Relatable Gun control Money Amazon Annoying Birthday Cute Health Weird Awkward Abuse Scams Social Media Friends Miscellaneous Mysterious School Education Teenagers

The Top

Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 2 149

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 132

You deserved it 5 932

The Top

Today, I was so tired I somehow managed to use black false eyelash glue instead of my liquid eyeliner. Every time I sneeze my eyes become glued shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 169

You deserved it 2 568

Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 185

You deserved it 5 584

Today, I asked if my friend wanted to come meet my dog and give him a treat. We were walking to my back yard, her holding 3 hot dogs, when she said, "I think your dog is dead!" I said, "No, he's just old and sleeps all the time and won't wake up until you pet him because he's deaf." He was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 655

You deserved it 661

Today, my mom proudly told me that she found the perfect thing to combat my B.O. Extra strength degreaser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 230

Today, I was heading home after getting off work at 5 in the morning, when a deer slid out in front of my car. Not jumped. Slid. Thanks, winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 492

You deserved it 1 573

Today, I was fired from my job. My boss claimed it was because I smelled like alcohol, never mind the fact that my job was brewmaster at a beer company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 471

You deserved it 2 261

Same thing different taste

Tasty

Party hard

Grossed out

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