Miscellaneous: Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour,...

By I hate my brother - 20/03/2016 18:53 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 934

You deserved it 2 006

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Same thing different taste

By soldierboy - 30/08/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141 745

You deserved it 13 758

By whoops - 01/08/2014 20:45 - United States - Vincennes

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 359

You deserved it 25 937

By ILuvYouSoldiers - 26/06/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 469

You deserved it 21 447

LANGUAGE, SON!

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table, I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 101

You deserved it 70 194

By MLGreco - 14/10/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 457

You deserved it 5 764

Frying pan, meet fire

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 22:00

Today, I got back from an 8 month deployment but rather than being pleased to see me my wife wanted to continue the same argument we were having the day I left. I miss being shot at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 127

Tickle time

By Anonymous - 07/11/2022 12:00

Today, I'm a trained soldier with tours of duty under my belt, 6 foot tall with scars and tattoos, and yet I still can’t beat my brother in a fight because he cheats by tickling me until I can’t breathe or piss myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 269

It wasn't me!

By Anonymous - 15/03/2015 18:40 - United States - Charleston

Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 866

You deserved it 2 724

By Anonymous - 18/12/2012 07:48 - United States

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 558

You deserved it 29 911

By Lady Douche of Asscrackington - 10/10/2013 20:00 - United States - Watertown

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 546

You deserved it 3 569

Isa_Marie0113 17

Monday 21 March 2016 14:03

Thank you for your service! Sorry your brother is an insensitive and ignorant butt.

BoboCracker 21

Monday 21 March 2016 14:01

Towel-whip him

Comments

hershelLayton 13

Tuesday 22 March 2016 4:09

Stupid prick. Hope someone actually beats him up to teach a lesson. This isn't call of duty. The military is meant to help, not kill

NoConfusion 7

Tuesday 22 March 2016 5:07

OP, you did the right thing.

cherrymollypop 9

Tuesday 22 March 2016 5:40

Thank you for your service no matter your MOS being away from home is hard especially with dipshits lol my boyfriend just left a month ago

AgentSkyeBarnes 16

Tuesday 22 March 2016 13:50

Thank you for your service. Hopefully your brother learns some basic decency.

MyS3lf 24

Tuesday 22 March 2016 16:34

Thank you for your service, very glad you made it home.

MattNobles 7

Tuesday 22 March 2016 18:04

So what they're the enemy and therefore their lives mean nothing

Subaruwoman666 5

Tuesday 22 March 2016 19:56

everyone should

pvtatha 15

Tuesday 22 March 2016 20:48

Thanks for your service brother, whether they are your family, some people just dont understand.

obake_neechan 14

Tuesday 22 March 2016 20:58

Thank you for your service and for smacking him.

pagefault2k 8

Tuesday 22 March 2016 21:36

Thank you for your service. Sorry about your brother being a jerk.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert." Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 154

You deserved it 68 071

Today, a person I've never met called me a whore and spat on me. Why? Because I was babysitting for my neighbors and answered the door for two well dressed women passing out religious pamphlets. I politely declined to take any. Apparently being a 15 year-old girl caring for a toddler makes me a sex worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 62

The Top

Today, I woke up with a high fever and hallucinations. I called for my mother, who after checking me, swore that I was just hungover from a night of partying, called me a "f*cking hedonist", and refused to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 042

You deserved it 4 525

Today, I woke up and stumbled over to my window to soak up some morning sunshine. The sunshine was lovely; the sight of my elderly neighbour doing some kind of nude yoga in his backyard certainly was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 351

You deserved it 6 002

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 688

You deserved it 10 137

Today, I visited my son at his university accommodations and noticed he's clearly never cleaned it since he moved in two years ago. I tried cleaning it myself, but gave up entirely when I found what looked like mushrooms growing out of an old takeout container. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 802

You deserved it 2 478

Today, I was walking through school when I noticed an advertisement for school picture retakes. It read, "Bad hair day?" Underneath was my picture. That's my normal hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 984

You deserved it 2 212

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 890

You deserved it 14 194