Health: Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating...

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 03:41 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 160

You deserved it 6 508

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

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Same thing different taste

By lonely - 01/01/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I posted on my Facebook wall that I'd gotten into a huge bar fight and had the shit kicked out of me, all to avoid having to tell the truth, namely that I'd stayed home all night because nobody invited me out to party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 045

You deserved it 34 515

By knobbed - 27/01/2014 23:09 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 924

You deserved it 4 883

By Stephen - 24/03/2012 21:07 - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 285

You deserved it 3 906

By DHarman - 25/05/2010 23:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 622

You deserved it 4 060

By fthislyfe - 02/07/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 324

You deserved it 7 936

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 00:53 - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 619

You deserved it 36 069

Rat Race

By mcd - 05/10/2020 08:01 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, at work, a man punched me in the face because he said I took his son's job. He meant both me and his son applied for the same job. He also asked to speak to my boss, because he thinks I "cheated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 72

Dexter? Is that you?

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 18:00

Today, I apparently didn’t teach my son the difference between defending himself from bullies and knocking out the bully's teeth, breaking his nose, cracking his ribs, and grinding his fingers under his boot until the bone splintered. Yes, the cops are involved and my ex-wife blames me, of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 278

By Anonymous - 11/08/2013 18:11 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 403

You deserved it 5 959

By AntSimo - 19/05/2009 07:46 - South Africa

Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 651

You deserved it 2 967

PenguinBitch 43

Saturday 4 July 2015 23:59

We all know the toothpaste cap gave you the black eye, don't lie.

WCARlover 34

Saturday 4 July 2015 23:58

Wow, 7 is definitely way old enough to know better than that. I would've gotten my ass handed to me if I'd punched my parent hard enough to leave a black eye at that age

Comments

littleking94 14

Sunday 5 July 2015 5:27

could of just told them that your 7 year old is an asshole

wordygirl 11

Sunday 5 July 2015 5:29

Looks like you got you a future boxer on your hands! Get that boy some gloves and a bag!

mattyiscool123 26

Sunday 5 July 2015 5:41

This reminds me of Scout from to kill a mockingbird.

tgodluke 17

Sunday 5 July 2015 6:32

Beat the kid

fordneagles 34

Sunday 5 July 2015 7:00

It was a YDI as soon as I read the words "I had to lie." No, you ******* didn't.

Isa_fml 20

Sunday 5 July 2015 7:11

Is your masculinity really so fragile? It would have been a cute story.

worldclassrager 39

Sunday 5 July 2015 7:27

It worked right? I hope... There has to be a good reason for him to do that...unless it was accidental

kelciimackk 24

Sunday 5 July 2015 9:34

when I was about 2 years old, my dad was messing with me holding up a fist and saying "you want one of these?" I said no. Then about 5 minutes later, I asked him the same question. And by that time, he was really into a basketball game, and wasn't paying no attention to me and said yes.. So I punched his eye and blacked it!