Health: Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick...

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 06:04 - United States

Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 123

You deserved it 21 523

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Same thing different taste

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 20:03

Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 169

By No-Sleep Nellie - 07/07/2015 13:26 - United States - Waterloo

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 921

You deserved it 1 719

By TordNorski - 04/05/2016 17:44 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I finally had a day off in two weeks and I was excited about getting to sleep in. At 5am, my mom came in and knocked loudly. When I asked her what she wanted, she said she was checking to see if I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 897

You deserved it 1 123

By thanksmum - 29/05/2010 17:39 - Germany

Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 066

You deserved it 3 566

Chill out, mom

By chasingcars0624 - 28/08/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I got a knock on my door at 3 a.m. Turns out, if I ignore my mother long enough, she will assume I have died and will call the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 953

You deserved it 13 181

By Numbnuts - 08/03/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 323

You deserved it 38 507

Zapped

By joey - 09/03/2020 05:00

Today, my mom decided to try her new taser on me while I was asleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 134

By mymomsstupid - 29/06/2011 14:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to the news that my mom's in jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 165

You deserved it 3 740

By Jrex89 - 02/06/2015 21:02 - United States - Washington

Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 681

You deserved it 3 177

First impressions

By pdnne - 12/05/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 998

You deserved it 7 755

WaSiSimiLang 8

Tuesday 10 January 2012 11:40

Effective... Crude yet effective...

steviesnm 6

Tuesday 10 January 2012 11:44

Why do you need to be kicked in the head for an important interview anyways? Are you not responsible enough to do something yourself?

Comments

alyspar2 5

Tuesday 10 January 2012 12:04

Cool mom..

wriptidez 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 12:08

tje head is off limits

Bassex 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 12:08

Look on the bright side, at least it wasn't your, "little head," right?

lishy1311 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 12:24

Sucks to be you.

cash_monkey72 9

Tuesday 10 January 2012 12:28

Which head?

KiddNYC1O 20

Wednesday 11 January 2012 3:20

The hard one. - Which hard one? Lol.

XmyviolentheartX 13

Tuesday 10 January 2012 12:29

She kicked you out of Inception. ;P It's either that, or if you don't find that job soon, she'll probably kick you out of the house too!

Ballin8864 4

Tuesday 10 January 2012 12:39

Good luck at that interview..

DaKillaMafia 2

Tuesday 10 January 2012 12:40

Shove your foot up her ass.

khaytah 0

Wednesday 11 January 2012 4:09

Wait, what?

lwilso41 5

Tuesday 10 January 2012 12:40

Why can't you just wake up yourself?

KaelaKhaotic 5

Tuesday 10 January 2012 12:42

It's called an alarm clock...

Keywords

Embarrassing Awkward Cars Transportation Babysitter Relatable Family Kids Money Thief Depression Health Mental health Wanker Work Bodyshaming Love Vacation Annoying Students Parenting Intimacy AITA First Dates Singing Cats Animals Weddings Public freakouts Cops

The Top

Today, we were supposed to go on a weekend camping trip with our Scout troop. On Thursday I wasn't feeling well but I made it through school okay. Dad forced me to pack up immediately after school, even though I felt worse. I threw up on the porch on the way out. Dad thinks I did this on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 50

Today, I found out my wife of 5 years, with whom we have three kids, is actually my cousin. At a family dinner someone had pointed out how much she looks like my uncle. We laughed until she mentioned that she was adopted from the same town my uncle's ex-wife had a baby. A few questions and a blood test later, we all learned the sick truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 82

The Top

Today, my little brother got a violin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 299

Today, I found out the friend I signed a lease with is actually a wanted drug dealer. I only found this out after the police kicked in the door at 5am and raided our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 240

You deserved it 1 413

Today, I took my daughter to a makeup store at the mall to get foundation to match her skin. The woman behind the counter scoffed, rolled her eyes, then called me a Karen when I asked for a manager. My daughter is 7 and I was getting makeup to match her elf ears for a costume we were making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 340

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 445

You deserved it 2 011

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 575

You deserved it 9 399

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 480

You deserved it 26 051