Intimacy: Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do...

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 13:20 - Spain

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 876

You deserved it 23 267

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 943

You deserved it 14 580

By Sharibabi65 - 07/03/2012 06:16 - United States

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 438

You deserved it 6 838

By dating a manchild - 01/06/2012 23:50 - Denmark - Hellerup

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 861

You deserved it 7 366

Spoiled the mood

By DFR - 09/06/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 888

You deserved it 23 828

Whatever floats your boat

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 11:48 - France - Belloy-en-france

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 668

You deserved it 5 052

By Anonymous - 19/06/2014 14:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 655

You deserved it 8 430

By dummy - 17/02/2012 00:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 723

You deserved it 5 663

Snuggle up

By addictedtofml - 24/02/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 793

You deserved it 19 963

Classy

By Username - 07/06/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 957

You deserved it 13 034

By tjcl - 28/11/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 301

You deserved it 9 463

amazinemo578 4

Wednesday 13 October 2010 19:07

what? that's romantic

spady62287 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 19:07

WIN!

Comments

Namenlos_fml 20

Wednesday 13 October 2010 20:44

Your fault for asking

hasan_shami2013 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 20:52

lmao!!! he's fuckn hilarious

lovelyliz916 5

Wednesday 13 October 2010 20:54

Well I would have said, "I make you dinner, you make me breakfast." :)

morkeyz17 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 20:57

I gotta say, your bf is effin hilarious!

skylinewhispers 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 21:19

lol

crissyspic 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 21:24

so suck his dick? I love sucking my boyfriends dick for sure!!!!;)

rogerover 19

Thursday 14 October 2010 16:48

You are a gem!

Hecka_cool 2

Wednesday 13 October 2010 21:24

your lucky he didn't ask for you to toss his salad in the moonlight

perdix 29

Wednesday 13 October 2010 21:30

If he could suck his own dick, why does he need you? On the other hand, I'll bet it sounded great in Spanish.

fireblait 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 21:34

hhahahaha that made my day

stephy228 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 21:37

I hope u FHL!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. I refused his calls, so he texted, not to apologize, but to say I'd "left some clothes in his suitcase"; i.e., he stole some of my clothes. When he didn't get the response from me that he was hoping for, he texted, "I'm wearing your shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 120

Today, I had to call social services after a couple once again brought their baby in with severe allergic reactions. His allergy? The family dog. These idiots would rather let their kid die than get rid of the stupid mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 123

The Top

Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 424

You deserved it 3 271

Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 338

You deserved it 5 494

Today, I was coming home from work and saw an old couple overwhelmed by the number of people at the train station. It was peak hour and I decided to help them. As I went up to them, they said, "Get away, go mug someone else". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 114

You deserved it 1 676

Today, while filling out paperwork at the dermatologist's, it asked what color I would use to describe my skin tone. When the nurse saw that I chose fair, she mumbled, "Ghost is more like it." I have a severe sun allergy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 584

You deserved it 4 234

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 108

You deserved it 404

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 513

You deserved it 7 848