Intimacy: Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came...

By Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 937

You deserved it 18 658

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 095

You deserved it 5 531

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 800

You deserved it 19 597

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 606

You deserved it 4 790

By fuck - 24/07/2015 16:44 - Canada - Cowansville

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 654

You deserved it 3 118

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 513

You deserved it 5 890

First!

By karma - 28/01/2009 18:36 - Canada

Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 173

You deserved it 7 474

By Embarrassed - 06/12/2018 03:00

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 6 125

By noname - 04/12/2008 05:55 - France

Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 636

You deserved it 61 790

By hitintheeye - 26/11/2011 15:09 - Canada

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 605

You deserved it 17 143

By beerpong26 - 06/02/2009 19:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 573

You deserved it 6 883

fmessiah 17

Monday 5 December 2011 8:38

Wipe up, and start again.

C19_fml 9

Monday 5 December 2011 8:36

Well, better luck next time haha!

Comments

alaskababy907 11

Monday 5 December 2011 9:43

I understand that it was your first one, so I'm not gonna judge. But every time I gave my ex a bj – who, btw, is very experienced – came as soon as I put him in my mouth :/ definitely not enjoyable.

ninjacapo 2

Monday 5 December 2011 23:02

Which is why hes ur ex

alaskababy907 11

Tuesday 6 December 2011 4:41

Exactly.

youshitme 9

Monday 5 December 2011 10:04

Loser.

anthonydude 9

Monday 5 December 2011 10:23

How does that happen?

cjhilde 1

Monday 5 December 2011 14:28

A ******* is when a girl sucks a guys dick...happens to guys who dont look like a fat 6th grader

jrock87 0

Monday 5 December 2011 10:26

blow up dolls don't count bro

toolmetal92 6

Monday 5 December 2011 10:28

My condolences....

sk8er1039 0

Monday 5 December 2011 10:35

Nice

Leftoverjello 6

Monday 5 December 2011 11:03

That's rough dude but it happens. Chin up and all that.

Ciara4757 16

Monday 5 December 2011 11:04

awwww poor guy.... at least u have somebody willing to give u a *******

Bofferding_fml 6

Monday 5 December 2011 11:10

Awww, headshot cumshot!

ellakacyme22 6

Monday 5 December 2011 11:15

so what is it you saw her **** and you went pop, there's always a next time

Keywords

Video games Love Gamers Health Gross Weird Smells First Dates Parents Technology Kids Annoying Jealousy Dogs Animals AITA Pranks Dreams Family Geek Relatable Gun control Amazon Money Cute Birthday Awkward Abuse Social Media Scams

The Top

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 853

You deserved it 7 893

Today, my fiancée's ex sent me screenshots of their conversation. In it, he told her how badly he’d wanted to marry her, what a great life he'd have given her, and what a huge mistake she'd made by letting him get away. My ring, our house even our pets should’ve been hers. Gee, thanks for settling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 169

You deserved it 134

The Top

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 819

You deserved it 6 812

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 420

You deserved it 4 233

Today, my girlfriend announced to me that she is pregnant and tried to tell me it was mine. I lost both testicles to an infection as a teenager so, no way it’s mine. Somehow, she never made the mental connection that no balls equals no children and no way to convince me I’m the dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 072

You deserved it 212

Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 489

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend a surprise striptease. After I turned around, I heard him murmur "Oh, wow." I turned back around, only to find him watching a gif of a cat falling into snow in slow motion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 243

You deserved it 4 933

Today, my boyfriend said we needed to talk. He called me cruel, cold and heartless and that it’s making him reconsider what kind of future we may have together. All because I hate sappy movies and don’t cry on the scenes where the dogs die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 270

Same thing different taste

Nasty

First!

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