You have every right to be upset, OP. It's nothing against you, it's just shitty people and shitty circumstances. I know how it feels to spend birthdays alone and it really sucks, but there are always better things to come. Hope you have a wonderful birthday because I'm definitely wishing you one!!

Maybe she couldn't make it to where you live as you mentioned that you only see each other a couple times a year or she couldn't afford to see you or get you anything. I think it'd be funny if she lied to you so she could surprise you on your bday

OP, I've lived abroad for 3 years and similarly, I have been moving locations. I totally identify: the fringe friends around the place and *aherm* lackluster birthday parties. It is the hardest coming back home and friends not prioritizing you, because given your own excited anticipation, it's hard to understand even why that excitement isn't being reciprocated. The only thing I've managed to do is accept that many old long friendships are no more; identified the ones who were left standing with their enthusiasm. Oldest don't mean bestest. You're throwing a fairly big party, right? The people who show up to that and engage with you there, enjoy your time with those people. You never know; someone I drifted from for years even before I left got together and we now have a very secure and valued friendship. While you're away, focus on cultivating a small few close friends. Easier said than done. Still, be open to getting close if you feel it's a loyal person. It can be tough to remain open and trusting like that. Sorry I'm rambling now. I wish you the very best!!

I suggest maybe talking to your friend about how you feel? If she is (as you say) new to juggling between bf and friends and normally isn't the type to bail, she may not realize she is hurting you so much. Since she still has a nice functional network of close friends, she may underestimate how important her presence is to you (thinking maybe your family and other friends will be enough to make you happy) or something like that. If you let her know how her actions make you feel, and she still seems completely apathetic, then maybe that will be a hint to you that the friendship has drifted apart :( Good luck!

You can't be upset that she has her own life and has higher priorities in her life than someone who has been gone for years! Stop being so childish.

I can understand not wanting to end the friendship, so just stop considering her your best friend maybe? And if she wonders why there's a change explain that if she doesn't want to act like a best friend then she can just be a friend. Best friend isn't just given out, it's earned. And perhaps she can earn it again, but for now she can be downgraded to just friend. And you can look for someone willing to earn and keep the title whether it's her or not.

Hey, #78, maybe try not being a douchebag? OP missed their best friend and spending their birthday with people they care about. It's not childish to be bummed over someone important to you ditching you on an important day. OP has every right to be hurt. Stop being so ignorant.

To make a FML post about it and whine to everyone is childish. Yeah, they miss their friend but everyone is ignoring the fact that the OP has been gone and their friend has every right to want to be with her boyfriend instead. Someone should point out that they're being selfish.

@83 Maybe someone should point out that *you're* being childish and selfish. Oh wait. I just did.

Wow, you're so clever. I don't get how everyone is feeding the OP all this bullshit. The OP is overreacting and I don't understand why everyone is supporting it. This blind hate for a person because they chose to be with someone else is unhealthy.

Due to a narcissistic mother, I've had a strained relationship with birthdays all my life, and I've given up trying to throw parties in my late teens. It has frustrated me to no end for a long time, but I have found a strategy to survive birthdays with a positive attitude: I treat myself to a nice, relaxing day where I do what I feel like doing: stay on the couch with a book and tea. Or have a spa day where I splurge on a nice long massage etc. I've also had spontaneous game nights with friends, but since I try to avoid telling even my closest friends when my birthday is, they never even knew. If you feel like this strategy could also work for you, give it a try in the future, especially when you are away from home with people you are not all that close to. Regarding your friend, it seems to be a tough situation because you haven't been able to form new strong bonds due to moving around a lot, maybe she has, as she has been staying in place. A decade is a long time. I know you feel very hurt by this situation and I can relate. There is not much you can do, beside telling her how you feel and try to work something out with her.

@88 Because she's not overreacting, YOU are. And at the very least, you're projecting *something* onto her that simply isn't there. And I'm not clever - one doesn't need to be clever to state the plainly obvious.

If you haven't soon her much in the last 10 years then clearly you're not her best friend. You can't expect her to ditch her boyfriend to go to a party of someone she hasn't seen in years

You've been away for years, and even when you're home you only see eachother a few times a year? Maybe she just doesn't consider you her best friend anymore? It's been a long time and she has probably has formed new friendships and doesn't feel as close to you as you apparently do to her. You can't really blame her for that.

you have every right to feel as you do. I've been there except my friend just had a random party on my sweet 16. everyone but my ex and his new gf went to my friend's party. my ex snuck out with his gf for a quickie while I got the food ready. lovely huh? the feeling and hurt do go away. I live overseas now and would be devo if I came home and everyone made other arrangements on my party. *hugs* I hope this year is a great year for you to make up for it.

I never related to a comment more when it came to finding someone to be your best friend but you aren't theirs.

Sometimes they say you are their bestie but their actions prove otherwise anyway. Imo there's no point expecting too much from friends like these.

You have really shitty friends, OP. I would have shown up for you.

Oh GTFO! If you don't like birthdays, fine, but it's obviously important to the OP, so why even comment?

Because I can, obviously.

What an ignorant reason to do anything.

Oh, get over yourselves already. I'm as selfish and egotistical as the next guy, but the only birthdays worth celebrating are: old enough to drive, old enough to vote / die for your country, and old enough to drink.

You first

Touche! Although I'm not the OP, passively-aggresively whining on FML instead of having an adult conversation with my supposed best friend.

OMF! So much lame...

You'll be singing a different tune next year

@80, not necessarily. not everyone likes birthdays or likes to celebrate them. I love birthdays and celebrating them but my sister never has and still doesn't.

Romantic relationship does NOT mean a priority. I love my boyfriend with all of my heart but when we first started dating, he didn't come before people who were in my life for years. How the **** is that healthy? Why does you dating them suddenly make them more important to you than people who've been through life with you for years? What is wrong with your mentality? Also, making one FML post and a follow-up for the readers isn't acting "all butthurt about it." What a childish comment.

I posted a comment and then saw the OP's comment and wanted to talk directly to them. And it's not unhealthy to put your romantic relationship first if they're the one that's been there for you. The OP has been gone and has no right to be mad that their friend has other people (and possibly more important people) in their life.

It absolutely is unhealthy to completely exclude your friends just because the person you're currently dating happens to want you to. Real life ain't idealistic romances where the person you're dating is your everything. Friends and family are also important and no true love would want you to sacrifice that just for them. You're the one trying to feed people bullshit.

#77: will you stop being such a massive b*tch? I've read all your comments and they've all been downvoted. Honestly a smart person would have stopped responding by now.

See, I hate people who put their relationship before their friends. Especially if you've been friends for a very long time. That boyfriend of the ops friend, might not even be there a week from now. But the op will be. So yeah, op has a right to be upset and hurt and has a right to rant. But since her best friend hurt her; she can't rant to her. So she has the right to rant on some place where no one knows who she is. Please get over yourself. Your opinions are yours, just like anyone else with an opinion. But majority has voted; her best friend was in the wrong. So, common sense would think that maybe you have something wrong with your morals. There are times where you have to compromise; I know this fully well. But that date was planned a month in advance. The boyfriends wasn't. So please stop telling her she's in the wrong and the best friend wasn't. Majority has voted. Thus; ending this debate about who is wrong and who is not.

Your comment really bugs me. OP may not have been physically there but they did state they still talked to their best friend just didn't see them much. My best friend lives an ocean away and I only see her for a few weeks every 3 years or so. However we talk almost daily. She is still my best friend, and I love her to bits. I'd also expect my partner to be understanding that I only get to see this person for a few days and work with me on it. I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who is so selfish that they can't get I'd want time with an old friend.