By chessu - 02/02/2016 13:32 - United Kingdom - Harrow
I agree, your life sucks
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You deserved it
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chessu tells us more.
chessu
21
I wasn't sure if maybe I was being too harsh or petty, so all your comments make me feel a bit lesser of a lousy friend myself. Anyway some extra details and answers to your questions: I've lived abroad for a few years now, but due to constant moving around, I haven't been able to really form a decent group of friends. One of my last birthdays no one I invited showed up as I happened to be sharing the date with two other people from the same groups, but whom I was not good enough friends with to hold a joint party with, and all my guests split between the two. One of the next ones I only told a select few, who I then considered to be my friends and promised me 'a nice lunch at least', and then bailed. My BFF knew all about this, and knew how big of a deal it was for me to finally maybe be able to have a nice day. Of course, I understand that life goes on and I can't except people to just turn up when I want them to, which is why I tried to plan this a month in advance, the date being in talks for ages now. When the discussion came up, his date was still being decided on. And, yes - it is his birthday party as well, not just a party. However, he is celebrating his over two days, and could pick a different weekend as well (which was in cards, apparently), but chose not to. I, however, am restricted to that one day due to only having a couple of holiday days. And no, I don't think 'just two months' means that the relationship isn't serious, but I do feel that under the circumstances I should have priority. She made it clear it wasn't a difficult decision, which is, perhaps, what upsets me the most. Yes, we are all adults. No, the date wasn't sprung on her out of nowhere and no plans were set in stone. I only get to see her a couple of days a year (we talk more often, of course!) and they get to see each other if not daily then at least weekly. I don't take her to be a person who normally just bails or forgets her friends, I just think she's new to this whole situation and I don't think this necessarily needs to mean the end of our friendship, but I can't help but feel really hurt by this whole situation. I just never saw this ever being an option with her.
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It's your birthday. Cry if you want to.
Maybe because the song is "It's My *Party*"
Kryptonites1
16
she's a dick and doesn't deserve your friendship.. happy birthday though(:
What ever happened to chicks before dicks?
tiger820
20
isn't it supposed to be chicks before dicks?..... 28 beat me to it.
muis545
21
quite a lot of people already said that though.... enough now..
A best friend would be at your birthday in a heartbeat, she just sounds like an ordinary friend.
Looks like your best friend is not your best friend anymore. I love and care about my boyfriend, but my best friend came long before he did. For me, she gets priority. His best friend was there long before me, so he comes first for him. You don't toss away your friendships because you start a romantic relationship. No, a relationship being only two months old doesn't make it unimportant, but at that point, it is nowhere near as valuable as a decade-long friendship.
...It's just a birthday, Just another work day to me. Seriously after a certain age why does it even matter?
**** this depressing mindset, celebrate your birthdays until your 90s and beyond if you want, if it's special to you, then it's special period. The world is depressing enough without trying to shame people for trying to shine a bright light on one day out of the year that they entered it.
Wasn't shaming anyone, I'll agree if you're turning 12 it's a big deal to a kid. most level minded adult it's just another day.
I'd agree if OP hadn't been in another freaking country for a handful of her birthdays and finally got the chance to be with her friend during that time.
dude... when you get into a relationship, you are committing yourself to that person, he has his birthday on, and would like his girlfriend to be there, wouldn't you want your boyfriend at your party? you can hang out with your friend another day
It's op's birthday, op just said he's having a party. No indication toward it being important as well.
that doesn't change anything. theyre now partners, they want to be together at the party, don't need to be petty about it
I don't know, I think it implies it is the boyfriend's birthday because it says 'his' party rather than 'a' party.
That's the point though, she can't see her best friend "any other day." Op lives far away. And if you read the follow up, we know she's only going to be in town for the weekend, which also happens to be her birthday weekend and is trying to have a birthday party with her friends she doesn't get to see. Op gets to see her boyfriend almost every day I bet, and probably only gets to see the best friend once a year or so if she's lucky. They can celebrate the boyfriends birthday any other time, she literally only has a weekend to celebrate her best friends.
the follow up makes more sense, though.. there wasn't a follow up when i posted this rofl
A little more info might help to judge the situation...Like did the bf plan his party in advance and your friend accepted months ago and suddenly you invited her super last minute, did the boyfriend organize a costly activity and spend a bunch of money "reserving" your friend's spot, was the occasion also meant for her to meet his family for the first time, have they been officially dating for 2 months but close friends for many years, does she get to see her bf often or is he long distance as well, did your friend offer to spend time exclusively with you another day or did she just say no and leave it at that, etc...All possible, but most likely she is just the type of person who completely forgets about her buddies when love is in the equation, and then suddenly "remembers" them if the relationship ends. Sad, but happens often. Don't let her absence spoil your mood, I am sure you have other friends and family members you can celebrate with OP!
Stop feeling all self impt along w the comments. What's wrong w prioritizing life partner over friends?
I'd hardly call a boyfriend of two months a "life partner" yet. And even then, it's actually rather bad if your life partner wants you to ALWAYS put him or herself over your friends. That's one step on a road many abuse victims have had to follow because they felt like they *had* to put their life partner over everybody else, which leads to their isolation.
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"Best friend", eh?
You have every right to be upset, OP. It's nothing against you, it's just shitty people and shitty circumstances. I know how it feels to spend birthdays alone and it really sucks, but there are always better things to come. Hope you have a wonderful birthday because I'm definitely wishing you one!!