Intimacy: Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any...

By The Soul Of A Damned Queef - 31/01/2015 04:04 - United States - Dublin

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 578

You deserved it 6 585

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/01/2013 20:59 - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 009

You deserved it 6 017

By Nav - 16/06/2019 22:00

Today, I sent a sexy text to my husband while he waited for a flight home at the airport. This was his response. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 359

You deserved it 767

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 338

You deserved it 17 891

It's the thought that counts

By come on man - 29/11/2014 17:03 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 481

You deserved it 7 435

By blizzard_of_77 - 08/04/2009 16:10 - United States

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 120

You deserved it 97 112

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 066

You deserved it 7 760

Bad timing

By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - 02/06/2013 20:48 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 644

You deserved it 6 626

By Peter Steele love - 18/10/2015 00:49 - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 121

You deserved it 19 004

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 504

You deserved it 6 853

Sexy talk

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 06:40 - United States - Denver

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 990

You deserved it 4 799

ItsAUnicorn 27

Sunday 1 February 2015 0:09

You told him 'dirty'. Now only your definition of dirty has to match with his definition!

XBurytheCastleX 25

Sunday 1 February 2015 0:09

At least he tried.

Comments

BetterForMe 6

Sunday 1 February 2015 4:56

It's been ten years YOU CAN JOKE ABOUT IT NOW!!??

born_hustla 26

Sunday 1 February 2015 5:01

Damn, talk about an overkill!

LaurenRoxsU 9

Friday 6 February 2015 5:16

@62, MY. GOD. Too soon, 62. TOO SOON!

Silk_Routes 14

Sunday 1 February 2015 5:09

now this one is serious dirty terrorism

sammybunny40 22

Sunday 1 February 2015 5:12

I mean it's a joke. Why so serious?

yolololol3 17

Sunday 1 February 2015 5:14

He didn't get your definition of "dirty" means

Catdragon 40

Sunday 1 February 2015 5:16

Because 9/11 was an inside job.

skymea 1

Sunday 1 February 2015 5:21

911 jokes can be funny. This one was.

Felix_VanHoutan 5

Sunday 1 February 2015 5:37

hafnFaf. tab

vintageart1994 16

Sunday 1 February 2015 5:48

Jeez it's a joke op.

CandyApple88 13

Sunday 1 February 2015 6:14

um...patriotic, so red white and blue....waffle?

Mightyrif 23

Sunday 1 February 2015 11:33

More like red, white and blue balls.

Keywords

Love Gamers Video games Health Gross Weird First Dates Smells Technology Parents Annoying Kids Animals Dogs Jealousy AITA Pranks Dreams Family Geek Gun control Relatable Money Amazon Birthday Cute Awkward Abuse Scams Social Media

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You deserved it 2 837

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I agree, your life sucks 1 882

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Same thing different taste

It's the thought that counts

Bad timing

Sexy talk

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