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In an ideal world; like that of Tom and Jerry, there'd be a letter that said "I, OP; choose to leave all my earthly possessions to tantrum-throwing girl. Listed: One custard pie." And splat!

I had a girl once threaten to beat me up after I had taken a seat next to my boyfriend, simply because she decided that she wanted to sit there. I told her fat chance and to grow up. I could feel her eyes burning into me the whole lesson. It was all quite strange because she'd never shown any interest in him whatsoever before then. People are weird, but at least you didn't end up looking like an immature idiot OP :)

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Tip for #7. Never capitalise or surround a pun in quotes to point them out here, it will only get you down votes. If it needs pointing out then it's probably crap or too obscure.

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