Intimacy: New laws

New laws

By Andrew - 23/08/2011 14:46 - United States

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 210

You deserved it 6 403

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Same thing different taste

By onlyjuggalos - 31/01/2016 08:13 - United States

Today, I told my grandpa that I want to join the police force. His response: "You wanna lynch some blacks without the jail time, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 579

You deserved it 2 564

By yeah okay then - 03/08/2012 23:50 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 971

You deserved it 2 117

By lovingthis - 09/01/2013 16:48 - United States - Largo

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 189

You deserved it 5 239

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 22:59 - Australia - Redland Bay

Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 570

You deserved it 5 030

Social reform, please

By Pepsi - 06/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, I saw my grandfather kick my dog, who is a 6-pound chihuahua, across the room. When I confronted him about it, he screamed at me for having "too much sex during the apocalypse" and "invading my brain with your pancakes." This man is my legal guardian for 3 more years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 746

You deserved it 135

By GoldenSteve - 05/11/2015 15:31 - United States - Humble

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 464

You deserved it 2 537

By kawood - 30/03/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 516

You deserved it 3 114

By therewasnocurtain - 06/04/2015 20:07 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 108

You deserved it 2 541

By notsoclean - 24/12/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 466

You deserved it 3 694

No contact from now on

By lordoftheweird - 13/08/2023 08:00 - Canada

Today, I had to explain to my family why using a registered sex offender as a babysitter is a bad idea. They didn't understand and now my grandmother can't see her grandkids, and my dad is facing a lengthy prison sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 84

oops_im_fucked 8

Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:53

Vote Op's grandpa!!! 2012!!!

iAmScrubs 19

Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:53

I'm going to get myself a bumper sticker that says "OP's grandpa 2012".

Comments

WoolyWhoop 7

Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:59

Think of the tax dollars this would save! Get Grandpa into government!

Moota 9

Tuesday 23 August 2011 20:40

He's a genius I tell you!

Nicnats 3

Tuesday 23 August 2011 19:01

great ideas

Italiae 7

Tuesday 23 August 2011 19:01

Ur grandpas awesome

Pslcybn5 7

Tuesday 23 August 2011 19:02

I'll start the campaign!

foxmatrix15 8

Tuesday 23 August 2011 19:02

He has my vote best idea yet.

brohamas16 7

Tuesday 23 August 2011 19:03

ahhhhahaha hes got my vote

SolemnlyLove 7

Tuesday 23 August 2011 19:03

you know the penis surgery doesnt sound like a bad idea

TraceCase_ 19

Tuesday 23 August 2011 20:27

I like it, so long as they're required to wear underwear on their heads too. You know some of them get off on exposing themselves and no one wants to see their ugly wieners anyway.