Intimacy: Monday morning blues

Monday morning blues

By desperate905 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 451

You deserved it 28 889

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Top comments

ryanisexy 5

Tuesday 21 February 2012 11:59

I go to bed half an hour later.

Pentium_4 27

Tuesday 21 February 2012 12:01

before bed is much nicer. helps you sleep...

Comments

momo1972 3

Tuesday 21 February 2012 23:11

That's a good idea, I've been cramming that into my break time at work. Working at Starbucks can build up stress fast

pr1nc3ss817 4

Tuesday 21 February 2012 23:16

I'm just late for work. And out of batteries.

dsgresl 2

Tuesday 21 February 2012 23:29

Hey if you need a hand with that I'd be more than willing to help! No pun intended! Lol

sandwichman1796 0

Wednesday 22 February 2012 0:01

Try having a girlfriend and masturbating all the time..

hamtaro331 0

Wednesday 22 February 2012 0:07

Forever alone

SuddsTv 6

Wednesday 22 February 2012 0:39

Thats a little tmi dude

eloc42 1

Wednesday 22 February 2012 1:07

Do it before bed man greatest sleep ever! And no planning time for that get to sleep 30 minutes later. Dont feel bad man its all in good fun

cassidiemarie 0

Wednesday 22 February 2012 1:41

O.O

sydneyjade22 0

Wednesday 22 February 2012 2:14

:) hahaha

Ibanez3x 5

Wednesday 22 February 2012 2:41

Your fml and username aren't increasing your chances of getting a gf/bf anytime soon...

Keywords

Weird Miscellaneous Shopping My ex Awkward Relatable Racism Family Kids AITA Love Cheating Work Break-ups Cats Cute Animals Intimacy Sex Relationship advice Coworkers Alcohol Mental health Psychology Health Neighbours Cops Scary Stressed out Parents

The Top

Today, I rang British Gas to cancel my boiler cover, as I'm totally and utterly skint. I told her the reason was I was getting divorced, moving house, losing my job, and had no income at all. She was very sympathetic, and said, "How would you like to pay your £37 cancellation fee?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 864

You deserved it 4 026

Today, I have accidentally encountered my parents having "sexy time" four times in the past week. I'm an adult. My parents are in their fifties. Their bedroom door doesn't fully shut, so I always get an unpleasant glimpse when I walk past, occasionally punctuated by my mom's pleasured moaning. Kill me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 610

The Top

Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 902

You deserved it 4 440

Today, my boyfriend told me that his daughter only liked me because she thought that we look like siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 89

Today, I discovered that sitting in the back of your car from 8-9 p.m. talking with a friend in a park area is suspicious enough behavior to have cops called on you, then for backup to arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 577

You deserved it 5 238

Today, my husband decided to be helpful and do all the laundry, including pre-treating all the stains. He felt that Clorox Clean-Up with Bleach would be the most effective. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 046

You deserved it 3 768

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 789

You deserved it 4 391

Today, my neighbors are moving. As we were saying our goodbyes, their 12-year-old son approached and thanked me for the times I forgot to shut the blinds and he watched me change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 241

You deserved it 29 374