Intimacy: Monday morning blues

Monday morning blues

By desperate905 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 451

You deserved it 28 889

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Top comments

ryanisexy 5

Tuesday 21 February 2012 11:59

I go to bed half an hour later.

Pentium_4 27

Tuesday 21 February 2012 12:01

before bed is much nicer. helps you sleep...

Comments

AzWolf 5

Wednesday 22 February 2012 3:20

You wank for 30 minutes? Damn!

tehdarkness 21

Wednesday 22 February 2012 3:37

I think that's smart! I'm usually late for work..

rdrr 2

Wednesday 22 February 2012 3:50

Ok... Learn to speed up that process! A half an hour??? What are you a **** star?

falcons10luv 0

Wednesday 22 February 2012 4:31

Haha wow sorry that blows...well not u apperntly!

kmenn8 2

Wednesday 22 February 2012 4:41

Shoot... I do this all the time. And I get laid everyday. No shame.

butterz69 0

Wednesday 22 February 2012 4:48

For ever alone

k327684 0

Wednesday 22 February 2012 5:40

Lol that's what I was thinking.

dansco 24

Wednesday 22 February 2012 5:21

What a w@nker! Hey your just so full of chemicals! They seem to be clouding your judgement, why post such a thing?!

yeahreally 6

Wednesday 22 February 2012 5:32

you say horny and single, ill just say you have priorities. ahahaha

rosymomo 1

Wednesday 22 February 2012 5:56

Well Pentium_4 I don't see why ur single, u look very attractive to me

deadman93 7

Wednesday 22 February 2012 6:00

heres a solution everybody: shut the **** up about weather proper or improper spelling is ok on the internet. who the **** cares?

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 2 576

You deserved it 241

Today, on my wedding day, when they said, "You may kiss the bride", I swung my wife over in the romantic fashion and went in for the kiss. Unfortunately, my hands were sweaty as I was nervous, and she slipped under my grip. She fell and was knocked unconscious in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 984

You deserved it 19 769

The Top

Today, as a kindergarten music teacher, my principal came in to observe and evaluate me. I thought I'd gotten the hang of managing 23 5-year-olds, but it was a zoo the whole 30 minutes and I didn’t manage to teach anything. I'm not sure I'll be keeping this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 462

You deserved it 367

Today, we left the cat alone all day for the first time in months, and came back home 11.5 hours later to three enormous puddles of vomit. We then spent $450 at the vet only to find out that our cat is perfectly healthy. He just has separation anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 848

You deserved it 659

Today, I told my mother-in-law that I was going through postpartum depression and was put on a antidepressant to help. Her response was, "Great, now we have a pill head in the family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 110

Today, a gnat hit my forehead, fell into the space between my glasses and my face, and bounced off my eye while trying desperately to escape. When I tried to get my glasses off, it fell into my mask instead, and I accidentally inhaled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 135

Today, I realized I have finally turned into my mother when I got excited about using so many coupons that I only paid 70 cents for $14 worth of groceries. I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 242

Today, I was verbally harassed by a customer because I wouldn’t give her special treatment after her meal was incorrect. I offered her a refund and a coupon for a free meal, which she refused before calling me a stupid kid who wouldn’t do anything to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 591

You deserved it 232