Dogs, Wanker and Animals: Kinda sus

Kinda sus

By Anonymous - 10/06/2016 14:28 - Canada - Montréal

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. My wife came in and thought I was jerking him off. She wouldn't believe my explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 709

You deserved it 1 127

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Same thing different taste

By Noname - 09/03/2009 17:04 - Canada

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 337

You deserved it 8 683

What are you doing, human?

By Anonymous - 30/04/2022 02:00

Today, my husband and I were starting to get freaky. He was rubbing himself on my lady parts and I looked over to my side where my dog was intensely following my man’s junk with her eyes. I laughed so hard I farted, peed myself, and broke a cup in under 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 505

No kink-shaming on FML

By thedoc - 15/07/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 545

You deserved it 6 956

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 23:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 575

You deserved it 7 507

Self-service

By Steve - 13/06/2012 21:30 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 801

You deserved it 17 099

Everybody want to drool the world

By slapstick1982 - 10/09/2021 08:01

Today, I was having sex with my wife, doggy-style. She then got mad at me for coming on her back. I didn’t have the balls to tell her that was drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 1 184

By Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 231

You deserved it 24 983

Blame the pooch

By anamota89 - 11/05/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 336

You deserved it 32 285

By what-the-what - 29/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 773

You deserved it 298

By stanDman - 19/01/2009 18:05 - Canada

Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 430

You deserved it 10 468

helen_ellexo 22

Saturday 11 June 2016 8:00

Because jerking a dog off is more believable than a belly rub...

DankNissan 11

Saturday 11 June 2016 8:00

Did she send you to the naughty step?

Comments

BrotherPhil 35

Saturday 11 June 2016 10:05

Maybe she's feeling deprived. Have you given her a bone recently?

ml_augustus 23

Saturday 11 June 2016 10:22

That is awesome

ban_ANA_bat 20

Saturday 11 June 2016 10:30

Omg thats the conclusion she jumped to? Wtf us wrong with her?

Wishe 17

Saturday 11 June 2016 10:39

Why would THAT be the first place your wife's mind goes?

_qube 11

Saturday 11 June 2016 10:54

Why on earth would she assume that?

BaronFromage 2

Saturday 11 June 2016 11:18

wow another thing that didn't happen

EsotericAura 25

Saturday 11 June 2016 12:01

Your wife is an idiot.

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Saturday 11 June 2016 13:10

Your wife clearly isn't mature if that's the first thing to come to her mind.

Urpoppy 21

Saturday 11 June 2016 13:49

Because she secretly wants to do it. Or does it.

EliGolsdworthy 7

Saturday 11 June 2016 15:43

Uhmmm that's weird

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The Top

Today, my brother is staying over for a while. I thought I was prepared for this, but I totally forgot that he is inexplicably prone to having random nosebleeds. He's going through my Kleenex faster than a horny teenage boy left alone in his room. Time to hoard Kleenex like how people hoarded toilet paper in 2020. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 83

Today, according to my husband, if I die first he won’t be looking after my son from a previous marriage. Either my sister will have to take him or he’ll go into foster care. He doesn’t want kids of his own, so he’ll be dammed if he has to look after someone else’s just because I’m dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 503

You deserved it 946

The Top

Today, I was driving home from school when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. My offer was rejected as she said, "No, I'm actually already home," and walked up the nearest driveway. My driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 198

You deserved it 7 005

Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 539

You deserved it 2 586

Today, my neighbors got a motion sensor light that points at my window. It's so sensitive that it goes off every time an insect flies past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 971

You deserved it 1 921

Today, despite my objections, a 50-year-old guy at a bar tried to convince me that my "biological clock is ticking" and that it was time to have kids, "before it's too late". He then offered his help in this noble endeavor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 413

You deserved it 329

Today, my wife changed her name back to her maiden name. Why? So people would stop asking questions about us. We have been married for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 034

You deserved it 2 753

Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 369

You deserved it 4 207