Alcohol, Ironic and Health: I need one - FML

I need one

By j…… - 14/08/2011 03:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 613

You deserved it 56 911

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Reeen - 03/06/2016 22:29 - United States - Pittsboro

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 681

You deserved it 1 234

By sober - 10/07/2012 03:40 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 053

You deserved it 3 414

By Drunkard - 08/02/2017 00:54 - United States - Tracy

Today, my boyfriend gave me grief about my drinking. This would be fine, if he were sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 111

You deserved it 792

The Phone Call

By turnmyphoneoff - 24/09/2019 00:01

Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 211

By whoababy55 - 21/08/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, at around 1 am, my boyfriend drunk-dialed and broke up with me. He didn't seem to remember he had already broken up with me yesterday. Thanks for reminding me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 440

You deserved it 2 666

On the sauce

By drinkdrankdrunk - 27/09/2013 07:33 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 251

You deserved it 17 911

By drunkboysgf - 21/10/2011 07:39 - Canada

Today, I had to get my boyfriend's mom to help me get my boyfriend in his house because he was so drunk. He broke up with me for getting him in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 606

You deserved it 5 213

TW: The final straw

By Anonymous - 04/12/2021 19:58

Today, I broke up with my long-term boyfriend, because his alcohol problem is so bad that he drank his way through an old bottle of Tequila, which belonged to my mum, and that I'd kept after she committed suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 109

Driven to drink

By Anonymous - 23/07/2023 15:00

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying to dispose of several empty alcohol bottles, leading to a discussion how dating me and putting up with my insanity has given him a drinking problem just so he can get through the day. Me catching him seemed to be the wake up call he needed, because he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 863

By me - 18/05/2011 04:13

Today, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years, with whom I have a baby, broke up with me. His reason? His best friend said he didn't like drinking with guys who were "tied down". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 913

You deserved it 6 257

Next

Top comments

F0xyTurtle 8

Sunday 14 August 2011 8:52

So maybe you should try to fix your drinking problem...

Jaimegirl 7

Sunday 14 August 2011 9:30

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me due to my abusing animals, my reaction? I punted a kitten off a cliff.

Comments

mastersmurf 13

Sunday 14 August 2011 13:55

And this is where you choose to complain?... a place where most people will tell you YDI.

Leeshawbrown 3

Sunday 14 August 2011 14:00

I really don't get people that see alcohol as their problem solver. It doesn't help, it just makes things worse in the long run.

baconboy_42 8

Sunday 14 August 2011 14:29

Atta girl!! ::pours stiff cocktail::

Tyger44 1

Sunday 14 August 2011 14:44

Maybe get a bf who drinks as much as u do?

krez 20

Monday 15 August 2011 2:17

Yeah, then maybe they can eventually have some kids they ruin completely.

anon_e_m00se 8

Sunday 14 August 2011 15:05

So, you're single now, huh? Come on over...

shrdlu 28

Sunday 14 August 2011 15:09

Total YDI. I was once married to a drunk and it was NOT the party some of you seem to think it is.

dagwoodsammich 0

Sunday 14 August 2011 15:46

Haha wooow u really need help

closeknitfamily 8

Sunday 14 August 2011 15:58

Please, get help. I am the child of an alcoholic and the wife of a "recovering" alcoholic. Drinking destroys lives and you will end up hurting not only yourself but the people who love you. Love yourself enough to seek help.

redoakqtpie 8

Sunday 14 August 2011 16:03

What is free and can change your life forever? AA

Omit 4

Sunday 14 August 2011 16:07

Time for an intervention!

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, one of my co-workers, who I secretly hate, announced she and her husband were expecting. She's rather big. Without thinking, I said, "How did he manage to find your vag under those fat rolls?" I got placed on suspension and now have to attend a training on sexual harassment in the workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 3 799

Today, a police officer pulled me over while I was riding my high performance motorbike. He asked if I knew why he'd pulled me over. It was too tempting to resist at the time, but in hindsight telling him ,“Because I let you?” was not the best idea I’ve ever had. Cops have no sense of humour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 710

The Top

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend in bed with another guy. On top of it all he stole my favorite underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 424

You deserved it 1 076

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 478

You deserved it 233

Today, I was out with friends when one of them started complaining about having to spend $50 on two copays for his therapist. He makes more a week than I do in three, and I can't even get seen by any type of healthcare professional because nowhere is accepting new patients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 81

Today, I filled out an online application for a internship. I didn't have all the info I need to complete it, but it wouldn't let me leave anything blank so to move along I filled in crap answers. I pressed "Save". It sent my draft in. I now have to explain that "Jesus" isn't actually my reference. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 950

You deserved it 24 413

Today, I woke up sick from crying all night because I got dumped by a dude who couldn't stand my tone of voice, which I can’t completely control because of my Asperger's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 160

Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 046

You deserved it 2 556