Cats, Injury and Animals: Heftychonk

Heftychonk

By Backinzi - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 17 pound cat fell from a counter. It wouldn't have been a big deal if he didn't try to use my leg as a tree to cling onto on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 489

You deserved it 5 074

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Same thing different taste

By HHIChica - 17/09/2009 11:14 - United States

Today, while my 18 pound cat was on the edge of the tub watching me shower, he fell in. Apparently, in his mind, the best way to get away from the water is to climb my bare legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 417

You deserved it 5 837

By crazycat - 13/05/2011 16:23 - Canada

Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 608

You deserved it 5 831

Thanks little buddy

By crushed - 10/03/2021 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of my workout when my cat meowed so loudly, it startled me into dropping a 50-pound weight onto my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 270

Stuck in the middle

By Mark - 20/03/2017 08:00 - United States - Sparks

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 691

You deserved it 566

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 17:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 653

You deserved it 4 793

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 495

By ouch - 26/03/2011 02:27

Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 212

You deserved it 5 449

Raining cats and dogs

By Fling! - 29/11/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, I tried to put my reclining chair back. My cat and dog were sitting on the very top. It went up in an unexpectedly forceful manner, sending them flying, causing my dog to fall, and my cat to cling for dear life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 337

You were framed

By Slippery! - 01/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, while walking through my living room, I slipped and nearly fell, narrowly avoiding hitting my head against a nearby door jamb. What did I slip on, you ask? A single cat treat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 158

By MoncaBang - 29/01/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 672

You deserved it 3 440

applecaketree 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 9:27

Your cat needs to diet!

TheBrickWithouse 10

Sunday 31 July 2011 9:26

I've been there. it definitely sucks. FYL.

Comments

juliaaalove 8

Sunday 31 July 2011 9:35

Aww you can't be that mad! Fat animals are the best:)

conversechick98 2

Sunday 31 July 2011 14:22

learn to love the chub!XD

Kriyptic 8

Sunday 31 July 2011 9:48

Sucks lol

gdicp 3

Sunday 31 July 2011 9:49

euthanize all cats!

sean616 3

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:03

wow cats are awesome, why would you say that?

iSurf_fml 8

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:05

Hey, cats aren't that bad...

ImOnEverything 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 9:50

Shave???

santarosakid 5

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:07

yeah your armpits, please hahaha

iSurf_fml 8

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:03

Fat cats are the best cats.

LizzJizz 16

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:14

Awwwww i love chubby kittys n_n meow chicka meow meow!! Sorry op! My cats do that all the time D: hurts like ****** hell

AliSama 17

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:20

make sure it does not get infected if he managed to cut you.

letsgoflyakite 2

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:44

get that little bastard de- clawed!

SBJbabygirl 5

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:59

my cat does the same thing!! She weighs about the same too we call her beefy monkey:)

Petal23 11

Sunday 31 July 2011 11:04

Geez 17 pounds? So even cats are fat in the US?

broomhildo 19

Sunday 31 July 2011 22:26

Because the US is the only place with fat people, right?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 276

Today, I have a horribly painful throat infection and can't talk. In spite of this, Dad keeps insisting I call people for him, meaning I have to make use of a text to speech program. Eight out of twelve people I've called on his behalf have hung up, thinking I'm a scambot. Dad is blaming me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 85

The Top

Today, while waiting on the platform, a blind man asked out loud for some help getting into the subway car. I helped him through the doors and into a seat. I decided to sit down as well. Twenty minutes later, I realized I was on the wrong subway line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 715

You deserved it 6 914

Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 279

You deserved it 1 389

Today, I realized I’d rather be the crazy cat lady rather than get married and have kids like a normal human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 310

Today, a long day of work and a bad day for my mental health, I tried to relax with my wife, a movie, and a soda. After returning from using the bathroom, I took a swig to discover a particularly odorous stink bug had snuck into the can, now my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 71

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 060

You deserved it 3 113

Today, I went to see a once-in-a-lifetime moment when the Olympic torch passed through my town. I waited for 3 hours only to get a bruise from a man shoving me out of the way at the exact moment it went past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 528

You deserved it 2 519