Roommate, Furniture and Miscellaneous: **** me, I guess

**** me, I guess

By Anonymous - 25/11/2009 07:35 - United States

Today, my roommate of seven weeks decided to kick me out. He blames me for the stains on his expensive white leather couch, even after a prof cleaner determined it was red wine. I don't drink red wine. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 746

You deserved it 2 142

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By uvagirl - 05/07/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 273

You deserved it 3 838

Bottle bank

By TiredStudent - 12/06/2020 23:07 - Australia

Today, I found out my last roommate had been stacking her empty wine bottles under the sink for the last 5 months. The cleaning lady who found them now thinks I'm an alcoholic, and threatened to report me to my landlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 742

You deserved it 193

Pissed

By mommy2004 - 18/07/2023 03:00

Today, my nineteen year-old boyfriend dumped me and kicked me out of his place where I was staying. All because my two year-old peed on his couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 898

Give it back

By upset room mate - 18/08/2011 06:59 - United States

Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 130

You deserved it 4 302

By Anonymous - 16/10/2015 00:57 - United States - Wichita

Today, my husband finally admitted that he squandered the last three months of my share of the rent on booze. He then blamed me, demanded more money, asked for a divorce, and stormed out. When he returned he asked, "How am I the bad guy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 603

You deserved it 2 262

By theRoomie - 02/11/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 807

You deserved it 2 833

By Anonymous - 15/04/2015 14:32 - United Kingdom - Kettering

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 271

You deserved it 3 029

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 05:09 - United States - Boston

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 634

You deserved it 23 377

By busybuzzybee - 17/08/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 536

You deserved it 2 851

Gross!

By cantstopfeelingit - 16/12/2019 05:00

Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 203

You deserved it 2 474

cturtle 2

Wednesday 25 November 2009 16:44

Who wants to live with someone who owns a white leather couch anyway??? Is there also a tiger skin rug in the middle of the room, head still attached?

trizzieb 0

Wednesday 25 November 2009 16:46

YDI it for rooming with an f*ing douche bag. Maybe it was the blood from his menstrual cycle.

Comments

mason022 0

Thursday 26 November 2009 4:50

What a loser! Who the he'll buys a white couch, and drinks red wine within spilling distance of it?! Take a perminate marker and write/draw something vulgar on it, and move out. :)

lawllercoasters 0

Thursday 26 November 2009 6:17

before you finish moving out, make sure to piss all over his couch

Ninjaface 0

Thursday 26 November 2009 8:21

On the bright side, once you've moved out he won't be able to chew you out for the yellow stains you left on his couch.

ladiesman14 0

Thursday 26 November 2009 11:27

ydi for having a french roommate.

Crazyging 0

Thursday 26 November 2009 17:43

Don't you think its an obvious excuse because he secretly hates you? Maybe he even planted it who knows.

arcxjo 2

Thursday 26 November 2009 20:01

ydi for not getting a lease.

sTejaski 0

Friday 27 November 2009 1:24

sounds like there mayhave beem other issues-you a bad roomie?

jhon316 0

Monday 30 November 2009 1:00

hey dude i know how to get red wine out ok all you do is get hyrogene proxide and water and dawn soap. the proxide and water must be same amount and a little bite or dawn soap and it willl come out

Zigger75 0

Monday 30 November 2009 6:32

just one tip, if your roommate is the owner of the place you're being kicked out, be very careful. They're what's called "occupied landlord" and the typical landlord-tenant relationship doesn't apply.