Intimacy, Sex and Food: First time - FML

First time

By Anonymous - 13/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Spicy

Today, I had sex for the first time. I realised that I was more satisfied by last night's dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 243

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Same thing different taste

Downhill from here

By forewhatnow - 07/11/2009 08:47 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 737

You deserved it 9 835

Just once

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 20:00

Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 191

Call me by my name

By Tim Scotten - 18/05/2021 06:01

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Her new nickname for me is "Mr. Breakfast Sausage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 243

Like a virgin

By chchboy - 22/05/2012 05:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 143

You deserved it 7 111

By Confused - 22/08/2012 16:33 - Spain - Madrid

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 754

You deserved it 4 406

Bored

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 11:44 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 398

You deserved it 7 267

Poor performance

By Anonymous - 28/12/2022 03:00

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with my husband and orgasmed. Three hours apart from each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 309

By satisfied88 - 02/06/2011 14:49

Spicy

Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 716

You deserved it 16 062

This doesn't feel nice

By Deadbed - 04/05/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 850

You deserved it 653

Bursting at the seams

By Anonymous - 22/10/2023 07:30

Spicy

Today, after I returned from business dinner at a hibachi restaurant, my wife decided she wanted sex for the first time in years on a weekday. We did it and I pooped a little on “our” stupid white comforter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 321

Next

Top comments

peterblackmer91 12

Sunday 14 March 2021 1:01

It's not usually that great the first few times.

Bogrbon 27

Sunday 14 March 2021 1:47

As a man, it's important to me to go the extra mile to make sure my wife "get's there" and enjoys herself. If she has more fun doing it, then she's willing to do it more often, so it's kind of a win-win situation. Just help your partner understand that.

Comments

Nicole Tripp 8

Sunday 14 March 2021 21:13

The first time is nearly always terrible.

treehead42 10

Sunday 14 March 2021 23:59

plot twist, the dinner last night was just THAT good

bleachedraven 14

Monday 15 March 2021 7:42

Sorry to hear that. It's pretty common though, for first experiences. You'll find your someone who keeps you coming back for more. It took me forever, but I found mine.

LeahMichelle 6

Saturday 20 March 2021 2:39

Give it a bit of experience and sex will be amazing. Top tip... Kink it up a bit 😉

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while at a restaurant on a date, I spilled red wine on the white tablecloth. The waiter came over with a new one, saying, "Don't worry, it's not the first time someone's spilled wine here." My date leaned over and whispered, "It's the first time someone's spilled it on me, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 145

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 145

You deserved it 11 901

The Top

Today, I got my first Facebook friend request in 4 months. I also got a message in my inbox. The message said: "Sorry, I thought you were someone else. Just ignore my friend request." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 161

You deserved it 7 482

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 336

You deserved it 19 680

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 965

You deserved it 13 037

Today, I learned the hard way that I'm allergic to a particular brand of tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 78

Today, at work as a meter maid, I had a man scream at me. He had a handicapped license plate on his 3-wheel motorcycle and said he could "park in any handicapped spot and not have to pay the meter". He wouldn't believe he was wrong, even after the police chief backed me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 433

You deserved it 250

Today, and for the past few days, my skin has been all blotchy and messed up so I tried a new face mask that was supposed to peel off easily. It ended up sticking to my skin like glue. I spent hours in front of the mirror trying to peel it off, one painful sliver at a time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 123